


Midtown School of Science and Technology, Meet Chaos

by lizwillstealyourgirl



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Peter Parker, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Inspired by Twitter, LGBTQ Themes, Marijuana, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Teen Angst, Texting, Trans Peter Parker, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Working title, but!, in fact, is it crack?, it's a groupchat fic, pretty much nothing happened since infinity war, sorry this title sucked, tags/characters to be added, what qualifies as crack?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-06-24 06:44:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19718317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizwillstealyourgirl/pseuds/lizwillstealyourgirl
Summary: Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:maybe you should TALK TO MJ instead of cataloging your favorite shirts she haswanted for the murder of brad davis:stop making it sound weird. i just have an organized list of the best and wokest shirts she’s worn since the beginning of 2nd semester because she’s beautifula nd sma rt an d so,,,,,,,,,, goo d,,,,,, hhhhhhnnnngIron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:you made it weirdwanted for the murder of brad davis:i made it weird didn’t i





	1. wanted for the murder of brad davis

**Author's Note:**

> note: this is not the MCU, this is the LCU, or liz's cinematic universe. where everything is good and nothing is bad and also peter is trans. happy trails!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me to myself: i'll never write a groupchat fic  
> also me: guess i'm writing a groupchat fic
> 
> basically far from home made me a petermj warrior but fuck canon!! so infinity war never happened the snap never happened etc BUT as it goes on i will explain the actual plot and stuff. nebula is one of tony's children bc I Need It
> 
> groupchat key
> 
> Academic Decathlon/Peter Parker Hate Squad/AquaDequa:  
> Abe Brown  
> Cindy Moon  
> Sally Avril  
> Flash Thompson  
> Ned Leeds  
> Michelle Jones  
> Peter Parker
> 
> Chaos Crew:  
> Peter Parker - Tony Stark's Favorite Child  
> Harley Keener - Tony Stark's ACTUAL Favorite Child  
> Shuri - it's wednesday my dudes  
> Ned Leeds - It is I, Thor, son of Odin

**_8:03 PM:_ ** **Michelle Jones added Eugene Thompson & 5 others to ** **Academic Decathlon**

**Michelle Jones:** hi this is the acadeca group chat if you have a problem with it? idgaf.

 **Michelle Jones:** we’ll meet every tuesday/thursday at 3 in harrington’s room. yes this includes peter

**Peter Parker** : why did you call me out like that ma’am

**Ned Leeds:** because otherwise you wouldn’t have showed up

**Cindy Moon:** because you never show up

**Abe Brown:** because you wouldn’t have come

**Michelle Jones:** it was a necessary evil

**Peter Parker** : damn y’all really out to get me huh

**_8:06 PM:_ ** ** Peter Parker changed group name to ** **Peter Parker Hate Squad**

**Ned Leeds:** bold of you to assume I’m not the president of the Peter Parker Protection Program

**Peter Parker:** good alliteration ms lewis would be proud

**_8:06 PM:_ ** ** Cindy Moon changed Ned Leeds’ name to ** **Peter’s #1 Fan**

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** Cindy you’re right and you should say it

 **Peter’s #1 Fan:** and well. while we’re here

**_8:07 PM:_ ** ** Peter’s #1 Fan changed Peter Parker’s name to ** **Pietro Parkour**

**_8:07 PM:_ ** **Peter’s #1 Fan changed Cindy Moon’s name to ** **Functional Bisexual**

**_8:07 PM:_ ** **Peter’s #1 Fan changed Michelle Jones’ name to ** **Strongest Avenger**

**_8:08 PM:_ ** **Peter’s #1 Fan changed Abe Brown’s name to ** **Resident Heckler**

**_8:08 PM:_ ** ** Peter’s #1 Fan changed Sally Avril’s name to ** **Chaotic Good**

**_8:08 PM:_ ** ** Peter’s #1 Fan changed Eugene Thompson’s name to ** **Slut for Spider-Man**

**Strongest Avenger:** these names are hilariously accurate so i accept them

**Functional Bisexual:** how dare you. i am a disaster bisexual and you know it

**Resident Heckler:** [photo: _[I can’t believe you’ve done this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X6VoFBCE9k)_ meme]

**_8:09 PM:_ ** ** Chaotic Good changed Functional Bisexual’s name to ** **Disaster Bisexual**

**Disaster Bisexual:** all is right with the world once more. order is restored

**Pietro Parkour:** why did i get the least funny name someone fix it

**_8:09 PM:_ ** ** Slut for Spider-Man changed Pietro Parkour’s name to ** **penis parker**

**penis parker:** i really should’ve expected this

 **penis parker:** i’m not changing it. i give up. this is my life now

**Chaotic Good:** Lol. When can we kick Flash off the team? @Strongest Avenger

**Strongest Avenger:** soon, i hope

**Slut for Spider-Man:** why is this my name i’m not gay guys

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** you are literally so gay Flash

**Resident Heckler:** as a professional gay, i denounce you The Gayest

**Slut for Spider-Man:** seriously guys i’m not gay. like genuinely. i’m NOT gay. 

**Strongest Avenger:** ok

**_8:11 PM_ ** **_:_ Strongest Avenger changed Slut for Spider-Man’s name to ** **Daddy Issues**

**Chaotic Good:** Omg

**Disaster Bisexual:** lmfao it’s funny because it’s true

**Daddy Issues:** ykw i’ll take it

 **Daddy Issues:** but why is the group chat named ‘peter parker hate squad’

 **Daddy Issues:** you guys all love penis. i’m the only one who’s ever been mean to him literally ever

**penis parker:** that’s true in the dnd game that is life you are all members of my loving party and flash is a simple frost giant

**Daddy Issues:** did you just make dungeons and dragons reference? oh my god. THIS is why i bully you

**Strongest Avenger:** bullying peter will only get you kicked out of this group chat

**_8:13 PM:_ ** **Strongest Avenger changed group name to ** **AquaDequa**

**Chaotic Good:** Hydrate or die-drate!

**Disaster Bisexual:** hydrate or diedrate

**Chaotic Good:** Omg! Same hat!

**Disaster Bisexual:** omg same hat!!!

**Chaotic Good:** Did we just???

**Disaster Bisexual:** diD WE JUST

**Resident Heckler:** OMG CINDY SALLY STOP IT’S WEIRD NOW

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** I can’t believe I stanned petermj when I could’ve been stanning cindysally

**penis parker:** you stanned WHAT NOW

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** Well, Would You Look At The Time! It’s Getting Quite Late! Goodnight All!

**penis parker:** it’s 8:15

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** I’m Very Tired! It’s Far Past My Bedtime! Goodnight!

**_8:17 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Ned Leeds**

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** why would you say something about mj and i in the groupchat

 **wanted for the murder of brad davis:** i’m going to break your toes off

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** you’re so dramatic omg. I just said I ship petermj. I could’ve said spideychelle and outed you as spider-man BUT I DIDN’T!

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** what if she knows now though

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** I guarantee you she knows already

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** extremely helpful, thank you edward

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** maybe you should TALK TO MJ instead of cataloging your favorite shirts she has

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** stop making it sound weird. i just have an organized list of the best and wokest shirts she’s worn since the beginning of 2nd semester because she’s beautifula nd sma rt an d so,,,,,,,,,, goo d,,,,,, hhhhhhnnnng

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** you made it weird

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** i made it weird didn’t i

 **wanted for the murder of brad davis:** sigh

 **wanted for the murder of brad davis:** anyways. i’m going to text her. about acadeca stuff so it’s not obvious. but really it’s because i miss her face

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** I know it’s Cindy’s name in the group chat but you’re 100% the dictionary definition of disaster bisexual

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** thank you

**_8:34 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Michelle Jones**

**Peter Parker:** hey mj! i just wanted to let you know i’m working on managing my stark internship and working less and stuff so that i have more time for acadeca so i should be able to be at pretty much every practice and comp and all that :)

**Michelle Jones:** good because i would murder you if you skipped out on acadeca this semester. you’re lucky liz didn’t.

**Peter Parker:** haha yeah i’m very lucky!

**Michelle Jones:** ok. well is there anything else you wanted to say?

**Peter Parker:** um. no. no that was it

**Michelle Jones:** ok cool. see you at school then..

**Peter Parker:** yup

**_8:39 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker sent a message to Harley Keener and 2 others in** **Chaos Crew**

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** GUYS HELP. I CAN’T TALK TO GIRLS

**Tony Stark’s ACTUAL Favorite Child:** lol peter we know

**it’s wednesday my dudes:** Oh sweet white boy. What did you do this time?

**It is I, Thor, son of Odin:** he told me that he was gonna text MJ. I assume it didn’t go well?

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** [photo: screenshot of MJ and Peter’s conversation]

**it’s wednesday my dudes:** LMFAO

**Tony Stark’s ACTUAL Favorite Child:** peter’s a chaotic dumbass

**It is I, Thor, son of Odin:** the reason he’s this dumb is he’s really hot/nice and god had to balance it out

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** god didn’t make me hot oscorp did

 **Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** ok but actually guys i want to talk to her,,,, So Badly

 **Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** but i CAN’T

**_8:42 PM:_ it’s wednesday my dudes changed the group name to ** **PeterMJ Warriors!!!**

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** SHURI JUST HELP ME

**it’s wednesday my dudes:** Ugh. You are 16 years old Peter. Did no one ever teach you how to talk to girls?

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** no!!!!!!!!!! that’s part of the reason why the last girl i liked turned out to be the daughter of the villain who was trying to literally kill me

**It is I, Thor, son of Odin:** didn’t he drop a building on you

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** that’s besides the point

**Tony Stark’s ACTUAL Favorite Child:** he did WHAT NOW

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** guuyyysss can we focus. do i send her a meme

**It is I, Thor, son of Odin:** send her a bfu meme! doesn’t she love that shit

**it’s wednesday my dudes:** Omg Ned you’re a genius! Yes Peter send her a Buzzfeed Unsolved meme

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** if this doesn’t get me dicked down idk what will

**_8:45 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Michelle Jones**

 **  
** **Peter Parker:** i just started rewatching bfu and i thought you might enjoy this meme

 **Peter Parker:** [photo: _[guess i'll die](https://www.toopics.com/p/2041599530364882079_1904344581) _meme]

**Michelle Jones:** omg

**Peter Parker:** do u like it??

**Michelle Jones:** me, crying: it’s beautiful

**Peter Parker:** hahahahahaha!!!!!!!

**Michelle Jones:** was that fake laughter

**Peter Parker:** no but would a keyboard slam have felt more authentic

**Michelle Jones:** yes

**Peter Parker:** skskskssjkdjsdkj

**_8:51 PM:_ ** ** Michelle Jones changed Peter Parker’s name to ** **the b stands for bitch**

**the b stands for bitch:** LMAO

 **the b stands for bitch:** NO IT STANDS FOR BI YOU FAKE FRIEND

**Michelle Jones:** are you a disaster bisexual

**the b stands for bitch:** yes and i am more disaster than cindy is but i’m letting her have her Moment

**Michelle Jones:** as a functional bisexual, i approve

**_8:52 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker sent a message to Harley Keener and 2 others in** **PeterMJ Warriors**

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** guys she’s also bi. it’s fate. we’re meant to be together

**it’s wednesday my dudes:** modern romance

**_8:54 PM:_ ** **Michelle Jones > Peter Parker**

**Michelle Jones:** i want a funny nickname too

**_8:54 PM:_ ** ** the b stands for bitch changed Michelle Jones’ name to ** **the reincarnation of marsha p johnson**

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** is it because i’m black

**the b stands for bitch:** no it’s bc ur both badass lgbt icons but i can change it if u want

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** no. it’s perfect.

**the b stands for bitch:** :)

 **the b stands for bitch:** so what r u up to rn?

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** chores unfortunately. what about you

**the b stands for bitch:** stark internship, avoiding my responsibilities. the ushe

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** wtf is the ushe?

 **the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** and you have your phone on you? shame

**the b stands for bitch:** ushe = usual

 **the b stands for bitch:** and yes i do. mr stark stopped complaining about it when he realized i am unstoppable at best

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** what are you at worst

**the b stands for bitch:** haven’t decided yet

 **the b stands for bitch:** so what chores r u doing lol

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** i am currently helping my sister do the dishes because she is too short to put them all away

**the b stands for bitch:** excuse me that is the cutest thing i’ve ever heard

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** don’t tell anyone but. yes. it’s cute

**the b stands for bitch:** mj is that an emotion i hear

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** no

**the b stands for bitch:** don't worry you're cute when you have feelings

 **the b stands for bitch:** um

 **the b stands for bitch:** i mean

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** did you just call me cute

**the b stands for bitch:** i did no such thing

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** no you did i can see the text peter

**the b stands for bitch:** what are you talking about who’s peter anyways goodnight mj i’ll see you at school tmrw

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** oooookay

**the b stands for bitch:** just called mj cute feel free to stab me before i embarrass myself further

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** you meant to send this to ned didn’t you

**the b stands for bitch:** i TOLD you i’m a disaster

**_9:03 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Ned Leeds**

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** [photo: screenshot of MJ and Peter’s conversation]

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** LMAO YOU'RE SCREWED SON!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talk to me on tumblr! shazameroos.tumblr.com!!!
> 
> i saw someone doing this and i dont usually get comments but ill give this a shot: what's the funniest text u've received today? (if this flops it never happened)
> 
> mine was a collection of texts in my partner's groupchat! "i roll to charm slagdip"/"slagdip: *blushes* did you just-"/"slagdip asks you what insurance you use. you die instantly"


	2. MJ's Trophy Husband, Peter Parker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **wanted for the murder of brad davis:** i will stay a superhero because of my strong moral compass but i will no longer be spider-man. i will become
> 
> **wanted for the murder of brad davis:** *trumpet sounds*
> 
> **wanted for the murder of brad davis:** wolf spider
> 
> **Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** I raise you: Night Monkey
> 
> **wanted for the murder of brad davis:** WHY ????
> 
> **Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** Wolf Spider is not any better
> 
> **wanted for the murder of brad davis:** but at least it’s the right ANIMAL
> 
> **Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** maybe it’s a spider monkey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not good i apologize
> 
> ft. flash redemption! and very little plot!
> 
> very slight content warning for Dumb Bitch Peter Parker (aka unsafe binding but its super not graphic idk)

**_7:01 AM:_ ** ** Michelle Jones sent a message to Eugene Thompson and 5 others in ** **AquaDequa**

**Strongest Avenger:** okay losers do NOT forget about acadeca today at 3. if you do i will kill you. i know all of your addresses and your grandmothers’

**Resident Heckler:** are you threatening our grandmas too

**Strongest Avenger:** come to practice and you’ll be lucky enough to never find out

**Daddy Issues:** penis is nutting about this right now i guarantee 

**penis parker:** good morning flash how are you thanks for that text at 7:03am really wanted to hear you talking about what you think i nut to

**Disaster Bisexual:** was he right

**penis parker:** i plead the fifth

  


**_7:04 AM:_ ** **Ned Leeds > Peter Parker**

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** LMFAOOO

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** fuck off sir

  


**_7:04 AM:_ ** **Michelle Jones sent a message to Eugene Thompson and 5 others in ** **AquaDequa**

**Strongest Avenger:** i said what i said. show up or start planning funerals. 

**Chaotic Good:** Yes ma’am! See you in Psych today MJ <:^)

**Strongest Avenger:** sally you are perfect

**Resident Heckler:** i stan one (1) white woman

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** (betty brant tho)

**Resident Heckler:** ew peter come get ur man, ned’s straight is showing again

**Chaotic Good:** He can’t help it! I forgive you Ned <:^(

**Disaster Bisexual:** PROTECT HER AT ALL COSTS

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** she’s baby

**penis parker:** sally avril

**penis parker:** i would die for you so fast

**penis parker:** you are worth. Everything 

**Chaotic Good:** Awh! You guys are so funny ahaha!!

**Disaster Bisexual:** bold of you to assume we’re joking

**penis parker:** MJ NO ONE IS RESPONDING TO YOU! I’LL BE AT PRACTICE TODAY! THANK YOU TO OUR AMAZING TEAM CAPTAIN FOR THE REMINDER!

**Strongest Avenger:** there are two valid people in this chat. it’s sally and peter

  


**_7:11 AM:_ ** **Ned Leeds > Peter Parker**

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** JUST ASK HER OUT ALREADY ITS TOO MUCH

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** bullying me will get you nowhere sir

  


**_7:12 AM:_ ** **Michelle Jones > Peter Parker**

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** you’re actually coming to practice today right?

**the b stands for bitch:** yes! i promise! cross my heart and hope to die

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** thats not very promising because you want to die

**the b stands for bitch:** i swear on mr stark’s new dog’s life

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** now i trust you. you’d do anything for a dog

  


**_7:14 AM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Ned Leeds**

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** [photo: screenshot of MJ and Peter’s conversation]

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** i’m in love.

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** I’m calling the police you’re too perfect for each other

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** what happened after you called her cute last night lol

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** nothing and if she tries to talk to me about it i will run in the opposite direction and move to russia and change my name

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** i will stay a superhero because of my strong moral compass but i will no longer be spider-man. i will become

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** *trumpet sounds*

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** wolf spider

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** I raise you: Night Monkey

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** WHY ????

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** Wolf Spider is not any better

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** but at least it’s the right ANIMAL

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** maybe it’s a spider monkey

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** i caNNOT WITH YOU GOODBYE SEE YOU AT SCHOOL LMFAO

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** skskks okay ps I’m getting coffee today so text me ur order and MJ’s too if you know it lol

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** cascara cold foam cold brew & iced golden eagle latte w/ almondmilk & extra caramel topping

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** of course you know MJ’s drink I hate you omg I’ll see you at school 

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** wuv u uwu c u @ skool!!! <3 !

  


**_9:32 AM:_ ** ** Ned Leeds send a message to Shuri and 2 others in ** **PeterMJ Warriors**

**It is I, Thor, son of Odin:** EXCUSE ME I JUST SAW PETER FULL ON SPRINTING AWAY FROM MJ OH MY GOD

**Tony Stark’s ACTUAL Favorite Child:** OMFG WHY WHAT WHERE WHY

**It is I, Thor, son of Odin:** last night Peter told MJ she was cute and is currently avoiding all confrontation

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** ned come save me please im hiding in the library

**it's wednesday my dudes:** the fact that i don't attend midtown is genuinely homophobia at this point. harley we have to transfer there together and cause chaos

**Tony Stark’s ACTUAL Favorite Child:** omg yes!!!!!! please can we

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** NED FR I NEED YOU MAN

**It is I, Thor, son of Odin:** omw chill

**Tony Stark’s ACTUAL Favorite Child:** peter it’s time you step up and face the facts

**Tony Stark’s ACTUAL Favorite Child:** ONE. you are a catch and any person would be lucky to Tap That

**Tony Stark’s ACTUAL Favorite Child:** TWO. you are a fucking COWARD and if mj doesnt like you back she would definitely not be a total asshole to you and idk why you think she would be

**Tony Stark’s ACTUAL Favorite Child:** AND THREE. mj almost def has a crush on you too

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** ok first i dont think mj would be an asshole. i think she would be beautifully awkward and forgiving and it would be awful because she would be so nice about it and her eyes would do That Thing when she feels bad for someone and it would be HORRIBLE

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** and second where do you get the idea mj has a crush on me. what are you smoking sir

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** mj regularly tells me she hates me and that im a loser and etc etc

**Tony Stark’s ACTUAL Favorite Child:** thats just her thing

**it’s wednesday my dudes:** omg do you guys rmbr that time peter was hanging out with us and mj called and ned forced peter to put her on speaker and peter said something stupid like about some conspiracy theory

**It is I, Thor, son of Odin:** OMG AND MJ LAUGHED AND FINISHED THE REFERENCE

**It is I, Thor, son of Odin:** YES I FREAKING DO

**Tony Stark’s ACTUAL Favorite Child:** mj likes peter back and thats the mofuckin tea

**_9:44 AM:_ ** **It is I, Thor, son of Odin** **changed** **Tony Stark’s ACTUAL Favorite Child’s** **name to** **All Hail The Watcher**

**Tony Stark’s Favorite Child:** thats a bfu reference!!!

**_9:44 AM:_** **It is I, Thor, son of Odin** **changed** **Tony Stark’s Favorite Child’s** **name to** **MJ’s Trophy Husband**

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** how dare you. i’m simply her boy toy

**it’s wednesday my dudes:** peter ,,,,,,, JUST ASK HER OUT

**_9:46 AM:_** **it’s wednesday my dudes** **changed** **It is I, Thor, son of Odin’s** **name to** **our only brain cell**

**All Hail The Watcher:** literally so true

**our only brain cell:** shuri do you want a new name

**it’s wednesday my dudes:** come up with a good vine reference and maybe

  


**_12:14 PM:_ ** ** Ned Leeds sent a message to Cindy Moon and 5 others in ** **AquaDequa**

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** need help

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** in boy’s bathroom on 2nd floor

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** it’s Peter

**Strongest Avenger:** on my way

**Chaotic Good:** What happened? Cindy and I can come too

**Resident Heckler:** im taking my physics test rn but i can come after

**Daddy Issues:** what’s wrong? ik parker probably doesn't want me there but im not doing anything rn

**penis parker:** its fine guys ned is overreacting thank you all though

**penis parker:** @StrongestAvenger you don't need to come its okay

**Strongest Avenger:** lies i’m standing outside the door let me in

**Disaster Bisexual:** what happened what can i do

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** we’re okay right now but I’ll let you know the dealio when I can

  


**_12:18 PM:_ ** **Cindy Moon > Ned Leeds**

**moonshine:** i didnt wanna say this in the group chat bc. flash. but is this about peter’s binding again?

**leed schmeed:** of course it is because Peter is a moron! he’s been wearing the binder that is too small for him for 24 hours so he threw up and is super dizzy rn!

**moonshine:** for an nerd he’s really dumb

**leed schmeed:** oh I know!!!! ugh. he’s fine rn but he’s super embarrassed bc MJ is here and he gets all weird about her knowing he’s trans

**moonshine:** god damn he’s dumb

**leed schmeed** : it’s driving me insane please take over as peter’s best friend bc I want to MURDER HIM and I think he wouldn’t want me to do that

**moonshine:** u are strong. resist the temptation

  


**_12:43 PM:_ ** **Michelle Jones > Peter Parker**

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** are you doing better now

**the b stands for bitch:** yeah. i’m really sorry you had to see that

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** i literally didn’t see anything

**the b stands for bitch:** still sorry :(

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** its okay

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** maybe just try to take better care of yourself???

**the b stands for bitch:** aw,, you care

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** if you tell anyone i will kill you

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** (also will kill you if you tell anyone this: its ok that youre trans and stuff. sorry you didnt feel comfortable telling me. but im here for you and stuff.)

**the b stands for bitch:** michelle jones you softie

**the b stands for bitch:** also its not ur fault i didnt tell u dont apologize! i just. idk. its easier to be stealth?

**the b stands for bitch:** the only ppl who know are flash, ned and cindy bc we all went to elementary/middle school together so they were with Old Peter

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** ok good. if anyone ever makes you feel unsafe lmk? especially if theyre on the acadeca team bc then i can kick their ass

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** and im not a softie and i will hang you by your ears and leave you to be eaten by the vultures if you say it again

**the b stands for bitch:** softie owo wholesome meechille ur so sweeet n sof

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** >:(

  


**_3:20 PM:_ ** **Abe Brown sent a message to Sally Avril and 5 others in the ** **AquaDequa**

**Resident Heckler:** did mr harrington really just—

**Disaster Bisexual:** im crying woT

**Daddy Issues:** let’s reiterate what the Fuck just happened

**Daddy Issues:** mr harrington CAME OUT TO US???

**Daddy Issues:** and we had a COMING OUT CIRCLE???

**Chaotic Good:** I know Mr. Harrington is super nice and that was probably totally normal for him but the way he roasted Mrs. Anaya was beautiful and wholesome and Good

**penis parker:** sometimes that man drives me nuts and other times. i would like to protect him at all costs. MR HARRINGTON FAN CLUB

**Strongest Avenger:** get off your phones break is over we’re starting practice again

  


**_4:17 PM:_** **Michelle Jones sent a message to Eugene Thompson and 5 others in ****AquaDequa**

**Strongest Avenger:** as your team captain. sigh. i am here for you in every way. whether you need help with school, the team, or your Outside Life. today we had a pretty emotional intro to practice with mr harrington and it was great BUT rmbr that what is shared with the team stays with the team

**Strongest Avenger:** so shoutout to anyone who felt safe enough to come out today that was beautiful but seriously don’t share w/ other people what happened today PLEASE

**penis parker:** and the award for best team captain goes to miss michelle jones

**Chaotic Good:** I love her so much. MJ I love you so much

**Disaster Bisexual:** im still crying over mj’s coming out. AND SALLY’S im emo guys

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** WHY AREN’T WE TALKING ABOUT FLASH

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** FLASH I LOVE YOU SIR

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** I KNOW WE HAVE BEEF AND YOU’RE STILL AN ASSHOLE BUT I CARE ABOUT YOU SIR

**Daddy Issues:** ...thank you ned

**Daddy Issues:** & thank you everyone who made it a safe place today. seriously you guys are...pretty amazing

**Resident Heckler:** i love our gay team ft honorary straight person ned leeds

**penis parker:** we’re the flash fan club now lads

  


**_4:26 PM:_ ** **Eugene Thompson > Peter Parker**

**Eugene Thompson:** parker i just wanna say.. im really sorry for how i’ve treated you. you never deserved it. i know the stuff i talked about today probably made it make sense but thats no excuse and. yeah im sorry

**Peter Parker:** hey! i really appreciate this :) i forgave you a long time ago tho. ive kinda...suspected? for a while? what was going on at home. so dont worry about it. thank you for the apology but :) youre good

**Eugene Thompson:** ok. well. im still calling you penis 

**Peter Parker:** i would expect nothing less

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmk what you like what you hate what you want to see more of etc!!!!
> 
> qotd: where do you want to travel to next? im currently in an airport leaving for peru in 4 hours :D
> 
> my tumblr: shazameroos.tumblr.com -- talk to me!!!


	3. actually, the b stands for bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **All Hail The Watcher:** when did we all just decide mj wears a strap on and pegs peter
> 
> **our only brain cell:** idk but we’re right
> 
> **MJ’s Trophy Husband:** no printer
> 
> **pres. of the hk fan club:** just faxx!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM GOING OFFLINE FOR TWO WEEKS SO HERE’S A SMALL UPDATE !!! DON’T ABANDON THIS FIC PLEASE :D
> 
> also this introduces harley’s lil sister! i decided to name her Mackenzie and her nickname is Mackie :) we’ll see more of her! alas, it does NOT feature the acadeca team :( sorry gang
> 
> mini content warning: discussion of butt sex? its just all teenagers joking around

**_3:12 AM:_ Harley Keener sent a message to Peter Parker and 2 others in PeterMJ Warriors!!!**

**All Hail The Watcher:** i know it’s like. 11/3am for u guys. but is anyone online rn

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** i’m here whats up

**All Hail The Watcher:** it’s really stupid i just.

 **All Hail The Watcher:** i’m feeling really bad like. The New Years Eve Eve Incident bad.

 **All Hail The Watcher:** and idk what to do bc i’m home alone rn and i don’t think i can stop myself from doing something like. really stupid

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** can i call you

**All Hail The Watcher:** yeah just not facetime por favor

  


**_3:15 AM:_ Peter Parker > Harley Keener [outgoing call]**

**P:** Hey, Harley.

**H:** Um, hey. Hi.

**P:** _sighs_

 **P:** Okay, talk. I’m listening. Sour hour is commenced, no judge zone.

**H:** _laughs_

 **H:** I just - I just keep thinking - what you and Ned have is awesome. And I don’t think I’m jealous, but - I am a little bit, I guess. I don’t think I’ll ever have that. Like, people at my school barely tolerate me. My only friends are my sister, two kids from New York, the princess of Wakanda, and Tony Stark.

**P:** Those aren’t bad people to be friends with.

**H:** No, not at all. But they’re nowhere near me, you know? I’ve got no one to sit with at lunch or hang out with after school. Only people to visit every couple weeks.

**P:** Why - why don’t you come to New York? Like, seriously. You could stay with Mr. Stark, hang out with Ned and I all the time. What’s stopping you?

**H:** Well - nothing, I guess. Maybe that makes it suck more. Nothing is keeping me here except me. My sister would love to come to New York with me. She hates it here too. But is leaving giving up?

**P:** _sputters_

 **P:** What? Harley, this - this - you’re not giving up. Getting the fuck out of that hell hole isn’t some shortcut or copout or whatever. It’s getting out, point blank period. You deserve to be happy. You and Mackie. Come here, come to New York, you’d love it. Mackie would get to dork out over all the artsy shit she has to pretend not to care about in Tennessee, you could build shit in a real lab, not your pumped up garage. Harley. If you hate it so much, please, come home to us.

**P:** Harley? You there?

**H:** Love you, Peter.

**P:** Yeah, I love you too, man. What’s wrong?

**H:** Nothing’s wrong. Trying to figure out how to text Tony about this, but I think I’ll call instead. Gonna ask Mackie for her thoughts tomorrow morning.

**P:** Mr. Stark’s awake right now, if you want to call him. He’s in Wakanda for some conferences, but he said they’re all in the evening and it’s only like, noon. You should talk to him.

**H:** I will. Thank you, Peter. You - well, you know.

**P:** _softly_

 **P:** Yeah, I know. Text me what Mr. Stark says.

**H:** Will do. Bye.

**P:** Bye.

  


**_7:02 AM:_ Harley Keener sent a message to Peter Parker and 2 others in PeterMJ Warriors!!!**

**All Hail The Watcher:** so i’m moving to new york

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** omg YOU NEVER TEXTED ME

**All Hail The Watcher:** i was hoping you’d be asleep cuz you’re doing stuff today

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** it’s not school so it doesn’t require sleep

**it’s wednesday my dudes:** peter’s outlook on life is the only thing that keeps me going

 **it’s wednesday my dudes:** also. FUCK YEAH YAY HARLEY KEENER IS GONNA BE A CITY BOY

**our only brain cell:** omg harley are you fr?????? I’m so excited wtf

**All Hail The Watcher:** lol yup mackie & i are moving into tony’s place in a few weeks

 **All Hail The Watcher:** this weekend is packing weekend n next weekend is like preparation weekend and then we in new york babey

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** sir i dont think u understand how excited i am to be able to see harley like. literally every day.

**it’s wednesday my dudes:** i’m literally crying. this is what harley deserves. finally some good fucking content

  


**_7:06 AM:_ our only brain cell changed it’s wednesday my dudes’ name to pres. of the hk fan club**

  


**pres. of the hk fan club:** jokes on you you’re absolutely right

**our only brain cell:** deadass I have never felt such pure, unadulterated joy in my life

**All Hail The Watcher:** guuuyyys

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** i gotta go but im so fucking excited harley I LOVE YOU

**All Hail The Watcher:** I LOVE YOU TOO

  


**_8:34 AM:_ Michelle Jones > Peter Parker**

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** are you busy right now

**the b stands for bitch:** theoretically yes technically not at all

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** what tf does that mean

**the b stands for bitch:** time is a social construct and capitalism is fake/designed to exploit people living in poverty & minorities. but im at work right now casually procrastinating my responsibilities anyway

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** if ur at work i won’t bother u

**the b stands for bitch:** no im not doing anything! mr stark and i are just kinda chilling out right now seriously

 **the b stands for bitch:** tell me whats up mj

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** idk im. its stupid

**the b stands for bitch:** thats ok

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** kinda stressing about the acadeca comp in a few weeks and i was just wondering if you have any advice? u seem like the kinda person who’s got his head miraculously on straight

**the b stands for bitch:** thats cute im def not That person

 **the b stands for bitch:** but! take a breath. delegate. you dont have to do all the work like youve got a whole team of people that love u and want to help u! and if there's anything specific you’re concerned about bringing that up to the group is a good idea! then ya can fix it :)

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** thank u :(

**the b stands for bitch:** of course :D

 **the b stands for bitch:** is there anything else u need?

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** what are you doing tomorrow?

  


**_8:41 AM:_ Peter Parker sent a message to Harley Keener and 2 others in PeterMJ Warriors!!!**

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** MJ JUST ASKED WHAT IM DOING TOMORROW

**pres. of the hk fan club:** SAY YOURE FREE

**All Hail The Watcher:** I THOUGHT TMRW NED AND PETER ARE GOING TO THE MUSEUM THING?

**pres. of the hk fan club:** I SAID WHAT I SAID. PETER YOU’RE FREE

**our only brain cell:** PETER IS FREE!!! PETER IM CANCELLING ON YOU. GET DICKED

**All Hail The Watcher:** is mj the top?

**pres. of the hk fan club:** obviously

**our only brain cell:** Peter? a top? that’s hilarious

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** instead of exposing me as a bottom, let’s discuss: michelle jones herself asked me to hang out

**All Hail The Watcher:** say YES you moron

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** omg ur right i forgot

  


**_9:49 AM:_ Peter Parker > Michelle Jones**

**the b stands for bitch:** nothing actually!

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** study session at the fig tomorrow 10am

**the b stands for bitch:** only if you’ll help me with that stupid ap lit assignment

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** deal

  


**_9:54 AM:_ Peter Parker sent a message to Harley Keener and 2 others in PeterMJ Warriors!!!**

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** [photo: screenshot of Peter and MJ’s conversation]

 **MJ’s Trophy Husband:** i. happy

**pres. of the hk fan club:** otp

**All Hail The Watcher:** gasp cute

**our only brain cell:** I’M!!!! 

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** i better get dicked UP!!!

**All Hail The Watcher:** when did we all just decide mj wears a strap on and pegs peter

**our only brain cell:** idk but we’re right

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** no printer

**pres. of the hk fan club:** just faxx!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay!!! since im going to camp for two weeks, y’all have two weeks to answer this question:
> 
> write the next chapter with peter and MJ at the coffee shop in TEXTING STYLE or REGULAR STYLE??? ie, do you want like a real scene or to just read the texting style more? (for this next chapter specifically)


	4. there are only 2 genders: midget and not-midget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **For Some Reason, Lime?:**  
>  excuse me michelle jones your man is Too Fucking Cute look at his snapchat story
> 
> **Mister papaya sir:**  
>  he’s gorgeous what the fuck
> 
> **FLASHION FRUIT:**  
>  im not gay but,,, Damn
> 
> **Mister papaya sir:**  
>  flash stfu you’re SO GAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEATURING MJ’S GROUPCHAT!!!
> 
> Gossip Gorls:
> 
> Cindy > For Some Reason, Lime!  
> Abe > Mister papaya sir  
> Flash > FLASHION FRUIT  
> Sally > mangolesbian  
> MJ > strawberrysexual

**_7:37 AM:_ ** **Peter Parker sent a message to Harley Keener and 2 others in** **PeterMJ Warriors!!!**

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** good morning WHAT DO I WEAR TO THE STUDY SESSION

**pres. of the hk fan club:** peter you have like. 2 hours

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** shuri. ma’am. i am PANICKING. this is,,,,, So Scary. what do i WEAR?!?!?!

**pres. of the hk fan club:** ned come get ur man

**our only brain cell:** oh,, peter…….

**_7:42 AM:_ ** **Ned Leeds > Peter Parker**

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** u need 2 rant?

 **Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** r u having a panic attack?

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** no im ok thank u i love you so much

 **wanted for the murder of brad daivs:** im just freaking out bc like. i like mj so so so so so much and idk what 2 do if this is really shitty

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** why would it be shitty?!! you’re amazing!!!

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** lol

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** bitch

**_7:44 AM:_ ** **Ned Leeds sent a message to Shuri and 2 others in** **PeterMJ Warriors!!!**

**our only brain cell:** someone is saying mean things about my best friend AND HIS NAME IS PETER PARKER

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** ned… *depressed cowboy emoji* don’t expose me

**All Hail The Watcher:** why didn’t u just send the emoji?

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** it’s not a real emoji it just should be

**our only brain cell:** ANYWAYS.

 **our only brain cell:** its emo hours lads. TIME TO DRINK OUR LOVING PETER JUICE!

**pres. of the hk fan club:** i drink it every damn morning sir

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** omg noooooo

**All Hail The Watcher:** PETER!!! YOU ARE SUCH AN INSPIRATION TO ME!!!!! YOU FIGHT FOR THE BETTERMENT OF YOUR COMMUNITY EVERY! DAMN! DAY! YOU LOVE PEOPLE WILL EVERYTHING YOU’VE GOT! YOUR KINDNESS IS LITERALLY UNPARALLELED! I KNOW TECHNICALLY YOU BECAME A SUPERHERO WHEN YOU BECAME SPIDER-MAN BUT IMO YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN A SUPERHERO, WITH YOUR GOODNESS AND YOUR MORAL COMPASS AND YOUR SHEER STRENGTH OF HEART

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** literally fuck off i will cry

**pres. of the hk fan club:** you are an angel. literally the nicest person i have ever met. when you get excited about stuff you fucking sparkle. you’re beautiful and so talented and my heart nuts 4 you

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** shuri. my heart nuts for you too

**our only brain cell:** it’s my turn!!!!

 **our only brain cell:** Peter. you have been my best friend since the second day of first grade, when you spilled paint water on me and in lieu of an apology, told me, “it’s art juice. we should drink it”

 **our only brain cell:** you are my favorite person on the planet, quite literally, and I would die for u at the drop of a hat. u r my bestest BESTEST friend and I love you so fucking much and the fact that you don’t love yourself kills me but I get it, it’s not ur fault, etc. but seriously Peter. you are amazing. and you’re going to do amazing things. you already DO amazing things! not everyone could get literal fucking superpowers and think, huh. I should go save people

 **our only brain cell:** you could be doing literally anything right now. you have super strength, you got hella ripped after The Bite, you’re bendy af and besties with Mister Tony Stark Himself and instead of taking advantage of ANY of those things, you tutor middle schoolers on the weekend and every day after school go out of ur way to literally save Lives.

 **our only brain cell:** Peter. you are wonderful. and I love you.

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** coolcoolcoolcooolcool no doubt no odubt,,,

 **MJ’s Trophy Husband:** i’m,,,,,,,,,????

**pres. of the hk fan club:** its ok you dont have to say anything. we love you.

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** i love yall too

**_7:55 AM:_ ** **Ned Leeds > Peter Parker**

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** you feel better now?

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** yes

 **wanted for the murder of brad davis:** love you

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** i love you too

 **Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** now! imo. you should wear ur black jeans (rips at the Knees not the Thighs!), white long sleeve with black stripes, and a black t shirt

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** the send help t shirt?

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** yah! & Idk what shoes maybe just ur vans?

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** the ones mr stark bought?

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** yes!!!!

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** im gonna wear my birth of venus socks and cuff the jeans lol

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** oh my god ur so extra. if you don’t get dicked the FUCK down today I swear on my life I’ll sue MJ

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** this woman better DESTROY me or i’ll be so disappointed

**_9:15 AM:_ ** **Peter Parker sent a message to Harley Keener and 2 others in** **PeterMJ Warriors!!!**

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** ok y’all.. my alarm just rang... leaving my house now.... wish me luck

**our only brain cell:** you’re gonna kill it babe I love you

**pres. of the hk fan club:** LOVE YOU U GOT THIS

**All Hail The Watcher:** our baby,,,, He’s Growing Up

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** lmao i love you all very much too. now fuck off don’t spam the gc or i’ll strangle u guys

**_9:53 AM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Michelle Jones**

**the b stands for bitch:** hi not to be so annoying but i got here a little early haha!! do you me to grab you something so it’s ready when you’re here?

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** ohfuck yeah!!! iced caramel latte with almondmilk and extra caramel drizzle

 **the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** also im so glad ur early bc im like. 2 minutes away and i didnt wanna be the early one lol

**the b stands for bitch:** perf!!! && lmao ok then see you in like 2 minutes :’)

╲ (｡♥‿♥｡) ╱

Michelle stood outside The Fig Tree, her foot tapping relentlessly as she stared upwards at the daunting sign that spoke in cursive, and the blue tables and yellow chairs that were lined up out front.

It actually wasn’t that daunting, being there. The sign seemed much smaller in person and the blue tables and yellow chairs were alarmingly welcoming. Absently, she thought that if someone were to come to The Fig with the intention of being violent, their anger would be melted away by the floral couch cushions that resembled a grandmother’s living room and the chalkboard full of smiley faces and coffee orders.

This was Michelle’s spot. She came here almost every day after school to study, but more than that, she was here for the weekly open mic nights, the charity coffee days, and more. The baristas all knew her name, her favorite drink, her family, her school; they’d even convinced the owner to name a freaking _pastry_ after her. (It’s a lemon pumpkin scone, and it doesn’t sound particularly outstanding, but it’s literally the most beautiful pastry any human could have possibly created, and it’s called _MJ’s Lemon Pumpkin Scone_ , which is amazing.) The manager has been trying to convince Michelle to apply for a job there for months, but Michelle says no every time; she’s too busy, with Academic Decathlon. She’d never have time to just _be_ there - only time to work there.

But there she was. In front of her favorite coffee shop, staring upwards at the sign that spoke in cursive, and blue tables and yellow chairs that were lined up out front. And more than that: Peter was there too. Only a minute prior, he texted her to say he’d arrived. She could see him there, in her mind: he was probably sitting on the couch - the baby blue one with patchwork pillows and a lacy white overthrow on the armrest - wearing some cute outfit - ripped black jeans were his favorite, go-to look; hopefully he wasn’t wearing the ones with rips around the front and back of his thigh because those ones were way too distracting for Michelle - and drinking an iced coffee next to the microphone stand.

This was Michelle’s happy place. She came to The Fig to get away from the rest of the world. It was her escape. And here she was, bringing some piece of the outside world into her little safe bubble. She didn’t know why she was doing it, or what came over her when she sent that text, but it’s what she was doing. She stood outside the coffee shop and thought to herself, _There’s no going back now._

She cleared her throat. Squared her shoulders back and craned her neck out to stretch it. Blinked twice and inhaled deeply through her nose. She pulled her phone out to send a message to Peter, and in doing so, came across a few unread texts from her other friends.

**_9:48 AM:_ ** **Cindy Moon sent a message to Abe Brown and 4 others in** ** Gossip Gorls **

**For Some Reason, Lime?:** excuse me michelle jones your man is Too Fucking Cute look at his snapchat story

**Mister papaya sir:** he’s gorgeous what the fuck

**FLASHION FRUIT:** im not gay but,,, Damn

**Mister papaya sir:** flash stfu you’re SO GAY

Michelle grinned and rolled her eyes, but pulled up Snapchat anyway. There, she clicked on Peter’s account - which she had yet to change the name of - and clicked through the story she didn’t watch from the day before. At first, it was mostly videos of Ned and Peter being absolute morons in their shared classes, including a very short, shaky clip of Ned’s face as Peter zoomed in. At the end of that particular video, Ned looked up from his homework, blinked, and said, _“Peter, I will compost you!”_ and charged at the camera, prompting Peter to crack up and throw the phone.

Michelle smiled at the videos, but wasn’t sure _exactly_ what Cindy wanted her to look at until a picture of Peter popped up on her screen.

**_9:55 AM:_ ** **Sally Avril sent a message to Michelle Jones and 4 others in** ** Gossip Gorls **

**mangolesbian:** Did that picture of Peter kill MJ? It killed me so I certainly don’t blame her

**FLASHION FRUIT:** mj come back to us. be the petersexual moron u always wanted to be. tell us how his story made u feel

**strawberrysexual:** idk how to feel

 **strawberrysexual:** im standing outside of the fig about to get coffee & study with *****! wish me luck gorlypops

**mangolesbian:** Omg! Have fun! Text us how it goes!

**For Some Reason, Lime?:** GET! THAT! DICK!

**FLASHION FRUIT:** he’s trans he has no dick

**Mister papaya sir:** time to educate flash on why he’s problematic. again. sigh.

 **Mister papaya sir:** have fun on ur date tho mj ;)

**strawberrysexual:** lol thanks im so nervous skksks ok byee!

Michelle inhaled again. Sent a text to Peter that only read, _I’m here_. Stuffed her phone into her back pocket and cracked her knuckles. She smoothed down her shirt and balled her fists, tucking them into her front pockets. She marched forward, and swung the door open. Inhaled… again.

_Okay,_ she thought. _There’s no going back now._

Across the room, she could see Peter at one of the couches. It wasn’t the baby blue one with the patchwork pillows and lacy white overthrow, but instead, the one next to it: maroon, with olive green pillows and navy blue stitch works. He was nursing an iced coffee, because of course he was, but next to him stood an iced coffee of the same size with a shit ton of caramel drizzled on and around the cup. From where Michelle stood, she could see his notebook on his lap, where he’d been doodling hearts all over the margins; the ink had begun to bleed into his notes, which Michelle recognized to be for AP Calculus B/C.

After less than a few seconds of Michelle being paused in the doorway, Peter looked up from his notebook to meet Michelle’s eyes with his own. He smiled and subtly pushed the book off his lap and closed the cover to hide the doodles, but Michelle was already hyper aware of his movements, so it didn’t hide anything at all. He stood to greet her, and Michelle’s feet managed to move on their own, which she was eternally grateful for.

“Hey,” she said, stumbling in front of him.

He laughed. Awkwardly. Beautiful. Like angels singing-ly. “Hi,” he responded. They stood there for a moment, not knowing what came next. Michelle thought about what she’d do if it were anyone else; with one of their other friends, she’d probably just start up the conversation immediately. (She wondered what Peter would do if it were one of their other friends. Would he bring them in for a hug? She’s seen the way he hugs people; how he hugged Flash during the coming out circle, Ned when he was crying under the bleachers one afternoon, Sally when she aced her AP US History exam, Abe when he failed his AP Physics - Michelle had seen it all, and desperately, _desperately_ wished she could have a good enough reason for Peter to hug her too.)

Michelle didn’t hug him. Instead, she sat down on the couch and set her bag down on the ground beside their feet. Peter sat beside her, shifting maybe half an inch closer to her. She tried her very hardest not to blush at the poorly hidden movement.

“So,” she started. “You wanted help with the AP Lit assignment, right?”

Peter nodded, his head bouncing with an excitement Michelle was envious of. She smiled, though, because Peter was cute, so _fucking_ cute, and squared her shoulders back to lean over towards the laptop Peter was peeling open. His fingers flew across the keyboard, typing in his login faster than Michelle’s eyes could process, and she had to bite back a grin.

Peter was cute. So fucking cute. And Michelle just had to sit back and watch her heart explode.

╲ (｡♥‿♥｡) ╱

Peter knew that MJ was, like, objectively gorgeous, but it never crossed his mind that she could _smell_ gorgeous too.

When MJ made it to the coffee shop, he could smell her perfume as they stood and faced each other. She sat down, so he did too, but the sweetness that wafted into his nose drew him to scoot closer. He couldn’t figure it out. Peaches? Strawberry? Vanilla? He was no expert on scents or perfumes, by any means, but it was intoxicating. All he wanted to do was text Ned some ridiculous message about how amazing she smelled sitting next to him, but he knew he couldn’t do that without her seeing. Instead, he filed the memory of her and saved it for later, hoping he would remember it vividly for the rest of his stupid life.

“Um, well, you know, I’m not, like, an essay person?” Peter admitted to MJ. “Words don’t really come to me naturally, like numbers and formulas and stuff do. So essays aren’t really my strong suit.”

MJ smiled at him like he referenced a joke that he wasn’t even in on, like she knew something he didn’t - but it wasn’t in a bad way. She was just… smiling. Peter took the opportunity to grin back at her.

Finally, she answered him. “I get it. I mean, that’s how I feel with numbers and formulas and stuff,” she teased. Peter laughed lightly, and MJ continued on. “But you’re doing really good so far. What exactly do you need help on?”

“It just sounds bad,” he admitted. “It looks like it sounds _bad_.”

MJ snorted. “It doesn’t. Seriously. Try reading it out loud for me.”

“In the Shakespearean tragedy _Hamlet_ , the audience follows the titular character on his journey through revenge and madness, but Hamlet’s insanity is only on the surface; he is not truly crazy, but he portrays his id, ego and superego as if they are off-balanced, in order to appear as mad and to fulfill the dead king’s wishes.” Peter huffed out a breath. “How’d it sound?”

MJ was looking at him blankly for half a second before blinking and startling back into the presence. “It was great,” she told him sincerely. “Seriously. It was perfect.”

Peter smiled shyly. “Thanks,” he said. “Well, then I’m good on studying. What about you?”

MJ blushed and laughed nervously. “I couldn’t sleep last night, so I finished it all,” she admitted, wringing her hands in her lap. Immediately, Peter’s mind thought, _She’s perfect! Marry her! Perfect!_

Instead, Peter just chuckled. “That’s amazing,” he said, amusement evident in his voice. “Well, then why don’t you just drink your coffee and tell me how you found this place?”

MJ reached for her coffee and took a slow sip. Peter was horrifyingly mesmerized by the motion of her lips wrapping around the straw and-

_Stop!!!_ Peter screamed at himself internally. _You nasty little boy. STOP!!!_

He cleared his throat and focused back on the present, where MJ was drinking coffee and talking about the open mic nights she came to every Saturday. Peter blinked at her, and felt his shoulders fall lax and his face morph into something gentle. MJ didn’t talk much, but whenever she did, Peter could feel the whole world shift under her hold.

* * *

“You want to make a podcast with Ned,” MJ deadpanned. “And call it _Stupid Science_?”

“Come on, MJ,” Peter huffed and shifted his body to face her, pulling one of his legs in towards his hips and putting more of his weight on the bent knee. “Don’t you ever just wonder, like, the weirdest little things? Like in a hotel room, say there are two switches for the same light. If I press one, and another person presses the other one, does it turn the light off? And: how many times do I have to jump on a sewage gate thing-y for it to fall through? Oh, and-”

MJ cut him off laughing. “Okay,” she said, her hands waving in the air to make Peter stop. “I get it. It’s like MythBusters, but with dumb high schoolers instead of semi-mature adults. You just want an excuse to do stupid stuff.”

“Correct,” he responded and beamed. MJ laughed again. Peter thought her laugh reminded him of the feeling of coming home.

* * *

“This is something Cindy _said_ to you?”

“This is a direct quote,” MJ confirmed, nodding her head seriously. “Would you like me to read it again?”

Peter barked out a laugh. “Please,” he said.

She cleared her throat jokingly, a smile twisting her lips ever so slightly. “There are only two genders,” she started. “Midget, and Not-Midget.”

Peter giggled and buried his face in his hands. “What is the context? Is there any context?”

MJ followed suit and huffed out a breath that sounded a little bit like a laugh. “We were in homeroom and - and that’s all I know.”

Peter grinned. Since he’d shifted to face her, she’d done the same things, and now, their knees were pressed against each other. He put his hand on the couch, close enough so that his fingertips would brush against her denim-clothed thigh, but far enough so that he wasn’t making her uncomfortable.

“Got any more hilarious quotes from your girl squad?”

MJ smiled at him, like they’d just shared a secret. “So many,” she answered, and Peter would’ve got down on his knees right then and there and begged her to read them aloud to him, if only so that she’d stay a while longer.

* * *

“Are you hungry?” Peter asked suddenly, just as he felt the conversation beginning to dwindle. He’d just looked at his phone (for the first time in literal hours) to see the clock read 1:07 PM in flashing white lights.

MJ shrugged, and then slowly nodded too. “Yeah,” she admitted. “I guess.”

“What kind of food do you like?” MJ opened her mouth, but hesitated. She just shrugged, like she wasn’t sure what kind of answer Peter wanted. He took it as an opportunity to fill the silence. “You should know, I’m the least picky person ever. I’ll eat anything and everything. So whatever you say will make me happy.”

MJ smiled softly and bounced her head in slow motion, like she was rolling the thought around in her head, trying it on for size. “I like sushi. And Thai. And Ethiopian.”

“I know a really good sushi place that’s only, like, a block away,” Peter offered.

“Okay,” MJ said, standing. “But I’m paying, since you bought coffee.”

Peter scoffed. “Yeah, _that’s_ not happening.”

* * *

When they got to the sushi place, Peter explained that the best and the only way to eat there was to order miso soup (which was complementary by request), tempura (which was _not_ complementary but still delicious), and spicy edamame (which was also not complimentary, but cost much less than the tempura) before the rolls themselves. He spent time at this sushi place with Ned in the same way MJ spent her time at The Fig Tree, meaning he had a million recommendations to hand out at any given moment.

“The iced tea is really good if you like sweet tea,” he told MJ. “And the baked rolls are literally angelic.”

“I don’t really like baked rolls. I like the raw ones more.”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, me too, normally. But Ned likes baked rolls and these ones are, like, _good_. Anyway, if you like raw rolls best, my favorites are the Brooklyn, the Blue Spider, and the Mister America.”

MJ laughed brightly. “Did they name it _Mister America_ instead of Captain America?”

“Yep,” Peter answered, popping the _p_ at the end. “And it’s delicious. Steve Rogers could never.”

╲ (｡♥‿♥｡) ╱

“I can’t believe you asked for the check the _second_ I went to the bathroom,” Michelle scoffed.

Peter shrugged shamelessly. “I told you I would pay.”

Michelle pushed at Peter’s shoulders, and barely flinched when he didn’t budge; he didn’t bother to pretend for her sake, which Michelle was both flabbergasted by and eternally grateful for.

“So,” she said, drawing out the _o_ while kicking her feet into the concrete. Her scuffed up Converse made a squeaky sound on the pavement, and her pinky finger slid against the back of Peter’s knuckles in a way that shot electricity up her hand and wrist. “What’s your plan for the rest of the day?”

Peter shrugged. “Nothing,” he admitted. “Cleared my schedule for you, Em.” He bumped his shoulder into hers and prompted Michelle to huff out a laugh. _Stupid Michelle_ , she couldn’t help but think. _Fawning over some dork._

“So,” Peter started with a teasing lilt to his voice, copying what she’d said only moments ago. “What about you?”

Michelle turned to face him, and his brown eyes left goosebumps in his wake. “I’m not doing anything,” she answered. “There’s this new movie out.” She cleared her throat awkwardly. “Um, it’s about dogs-”

“Oh! I know the one!” Peter bounced on his toes in excitement and Michelle could feel her guts doing somersaults in her stomach. “Do - do you wanna see it with me?”

Michelle bit the inside of her lip to hide the grin that dared to peer out over her face. “Yeah,” she told him, honesty and sincerity dripping off her tongue. “If you let me pay for popcorn and soda.”

Peter laughed. “Perfect. Then I’ll buy the movie tickets that are twice as expensive.”

Michelle gasped. “Oh you little-”

But before she could finish, Peter was scampering away in the direction of the movie theater.

  
╲ (｡♥‿♥｡) ╱

**_5:13 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker sent a message to Harley Keener and 2 others in** ** PeterMJ Warriors!!! **

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** cAN YOU FEEL THE LOOOVE 2NITE

 **MJ’s Trophy Husband:** HOW ITS LAID 2 REST

 **MJ’s Trophy Husband:** ITS ENOUGH! 2 MAKE KINGS & VAGABONds

**our only brain cell:** beeleeve the veeeery beest

**pres. of the hk fan club:** peter u ok m8?

**All Hail The Watcher:** peter just got done hanging with MJ huh,,,???? smirk face

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** why didnt u just use the- YKW ITS FINE

 **MJ’s Trophy Husband:** but. yeh. swoon

**our only brain cell:** LMAO

 **our only brain cell:** was it fun

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** it was. the most fun

 **MJ’s Trophy Husband:** ill tell u all about it tmrw? but. i’m schleep. and may wants me to do some chores rn b4 i go tutor miles

**pres. of the hk fan club:** OMG yes tell us asap love u sweet white boy

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** LMAO lov u too shuri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u enjoyed this chapter!!! my qotd: what’s ur favorite aesthetic? mine is like... Eboy Edgy Aesthetic. aka the aesthetic i put peter in for this chapter KSBDKDB
> 
> here’s peter’s fit!!!
> 
> general Look™️: https://i.pinimg.com/236x/3d/b3/2f/3db32f92c89b4ec45ac494904bfcfdf6.jpg
> 
> shirt: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f3/c5/a5/f3c5a5cbd0d345197698bf3c31b4a035.jpg
> 
> socks: https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1751/5037/products/BIRTH_OF_VENUS_ART_SOCKS_02_1024x1024.jpg?v=1527359014
> 
> snapchat if that didn’t like... show up: https://lesbiabeverly.tumblr.com/post/186956513517
> 
> AND! the shirt i imagine mj to be wearing: I DONT HAVE A LINK/PHOTO :(( but it says “TGIF: this grandma is fantastic”
> 
> EDIT I FOUND A LINK! http://www.okembroiderycenter.com/Tshirts/tgif.jpg


	5. michelle GLADYS jones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **You Know Who I Am:**  
>  Am I invited too? 
> 
> **the superior stark:**  
>  No
> 
>  **baby parker:**  
>  no
> 
>  **Popcorn Kernels:**  
>  No
> 
>  **thing 2:**  
>  No
> 
>  **ironic smiley face:**  
>  no  
>    
> **thing 1:**  
>  damn y’all mean to tony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this is just the worst chapter ever please enjoy
> 
> Family group chat:  
> Harley > keener #1  
> Mackie > keener 2.0  
> Peter > baby parker  
> May > thing 1  
> Pepper > thing 2  
> Happy > ironic smiley face  
> Rhodey > popcorn kernels  
> Tony > youknowwhoiam  
> Nebula > the superior stark

**_6:17 PM:_ ** **Miles Morales > Peter Parker**

**oh my my my:** hey peter! just wanted 2 double check that we’re still on for 2night? 

**mr parker:** heck yeah dude! i’ll be there 7 sharp :D

**oh my my my:** perf! c u soon╰(^◡^)~

  


**_8:41 PM:_ ** **Miles Morales > Peter Parker**

**oh my my my:** tysm for tonight as usual!!!!! did my mom pay u on the way out?

**mr parker:** yes she did tell her i adore her

 **mr parker:** and no problem!! lmk what u get on ur test on monday?

**oh my my my:** will do!! c u next week!

  


**_8:47 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Tony Stark**

**Peter:** hello mr stark i have a request para ti

**Tony:** Call me Mr. Stark again. I dare you.

 **Tony:** Actually, don’t. Anyways - what’s the request?

**Peter:** yes hi i’d like to order one (1) day w my favorite human alive

 **Peter:** mrs pepper potts herself

 **Peter:** you can come too i guess

**Tony:** Bitch

 **Tony:** Pepper said she misses you very much and would like to see you again soon.

 **Tony:** You both suck

**Peter:** wait i miss mr rhodey & neb too im gonna text in the groupchat

  


**_8:54 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker sent a message to Tony Stark and 7 others in** **starkrhodeshoganpottskeenerparker**

**baby parker:** hi i’m missing my famabama right now and ig tony was just added 2 this gc or smthg? idk. but can we have som bonding tmrw?

**the superior stark:** Hello Peter. My schedule is open tomorrow. Perhaps we could see that movie about the dog you told me about?

**thing 1:** PETER SAW THAT WITH A GIRL TODAY

**baby parker:** may i’m leaving you. nebula please adopt me so i dont have to deal w may

**You Know Who I Am:** PETER WENT ON A DATE?

**Popcorn Kernels:** May, tell us everything!

**baby parker:** mr rhodey youre disowned no longer are you the favorite uncle. @ironic smiley face come save me please

**ironic smiley face:** tough it out kid   


**the superior stark:** This is beautiful.

**baby parker:** i’m going 2 die thanks

**thing 1:** her name is michelle (her friends call her mj and apparently she’s given me specifically explicit permission to do so which is adorable i love teenagers) and she’s very sweet to everyone except peter because she wants to kiss him so badly her mind probably doesn’t work around him

**baby parker:** may i will throw your chia pet out the window

**thing 1:** nevermind i hate teenagers

**thing 2:** Let’s go back. Peter - how was the dog movie? Nebula, we could see it tonight? There’s a 10 PM showing at our theater in Midtown.

**the superior stark:** I would enjoy that, Pepper. We could catch a drink afterwards too, if you’d like.

**You Know Who I Am:** Nebula Stark you know you are too young to drink

**the superior stark:** Tony, I am 20 years old. I have killed more men than you have seen in your lifetime. Thanos trained me to be a warrior, tearing out my skin and bones and replacing them with technology that is almost as advanced as the armor you wear around your body. I can fucking drink sir

**baby parker:** mr stark: no u can’t bc first of all fuck thanos and 2nd i adopted u ur my kid now bitch

**You Know Who I Am:** First of all: fuck Thanos. Secondly, he’s not here to boss you around, is he? I am! No drinking young lady.

 **You Know Who I Am:** Parker, I’m kicking you out of the family. First you don’t tell me about your date, and now you’re mocking me? Unforgivable.

**thing 2:** You’re very predictable, honey.

**baby parker:** NO ONE SAID YES TO HANGING OUT TOMORROW EXCEPT NEB

**Popcorn Kernels:** I’m down

**thing 1:** you know i’m free sweetie i texted you that already

**baby parker:** yeah but it wasn’t in the groupchat so it didnt count

**ironic smiley face:** well i’ll probably have to pick you up anyway so i might as well come too

**thing 2:** Oh stop it, Happy. You miss May anyway.

 **thing 2:** And sure, Peter. I miss you very much dear.

**baby parker:** let’s never talk about happy and may ever again i want to live in ignorant bliss tyvm

 **baby parker:** me, crying: i miss you too ms potts

**You Know Who I Am:** Am I invited too?

**the superior stark:** No

**baby parker:** no

**Popcorn Kernels:** No

**thing 2:** No

**ironic smiley face:** no

**thing 1:** damn y’all mean to tony

**You Know Who I Am:** IT’S MY HOUSE

**baby parker:** (◡︵◡,✿) im kidding mr stark i miss you can you please hang out with me tmrw?

**You Know Who I Am:** Peter is the only one who I forgive

 **You Know Who I Am:** Also Neb. Because I love you both

**the superior stark:** You too, Tony.

**baby parker:** taaaanks ｡(✿‿✿)｡

**ironic smiley face:** so what’s the plan for tomorrow? when should i pick peter and may up?

**thing 2:** How’s 11?

**thing 1:** perfect!

**baby parker:** badabababaa

**the superior stark:** I’m loving this

**baby parker:** nebula i fucking adore you

**Popcorn Kernels:** Language

**ironic smiley face:** language

**thing 1:** language!

**thing 2:** Language :(

**You Know Who I Am:** LANGUAGE

**the superior stark:** Hahahaha Peter said a bad word

**keener #1:** omg peter LANGUAGE

**baby parker:** first of all, i hate u all. second i can’t believe harley came online just to be mean to me

**Keener 2.0:** i’m online just to be mean to you too

**baby parker:** mackie how dare u

**Keener 2.0:** teehee ʕᵔᴥᵔʔ

  


**_9:30 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker sent a message to Harley Keener and 2 others in** **PeterMJ Warriors!!!**

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** it was beautiful i miss her face currently and i am going to call mr stark to Spill The Tea but first. let me Spill to yall

**pres. of the hk fan club:** hell fucking yes babey

**our only brain cell:** TELL US EVERYTHING

**All Hail The Watcher:** peter fuck off with the suspense just tell us

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** we went to the fig it was beautiful her hair was in like a half up half down look which literally sent my ass out the window she’s so pretty and she wore a funny t shirt that said “TGIF: this grandma is fantastic” which is fucking iconic and YES it was added to “MJ’s Iconic T Shirts” list

 **MJ’s Trophy Husband:** we got coffee i paid bc im a bad bitch who’s poor but dedicated. i also paid for lunch while she was in the bathroom bc again bad bitch and i bought the movie tix for that new dog movie but she got the popcorn and candy

 **MJ’s Trophy Husband:** speaking of which: i know mj and i are friends but i guess i didn’t realize she even LIKES me even just as a friend but anyways she knew my favorite candy and while i was getting us soda (which i paid for bc i Luv mj) she picked up not one but TWO boxes of swedish fish

**our only brain cell:** marry her

**pres. of the hk fan club:** omfg. THATS SO CUT E

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** the movie was good but i was heavily distracted bc her shoulder was pressed up against mine and not in a horny way but perhaps lowkey in a horny way im not really sure yet

**All Hail The Watcher:** ew but also lmfao love that

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** i would like to ask her out on an official date bc that was just Hanging Out but fuck it was so fun and she’s so nice and good to talk to and funny and smart and mean immmmmmm

**our only brain cell:** Jesus H Christ I’m going to send her a text myself right fucking now Peter I stg

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** NED LMFAO NO

**our only brain cell:** aaaaand I’m doing it :) I want my besties 2 be happy thx

**All Hail The Watcher:** peter go call tony while ned texts ur girlfriend

**pres. of the hk fan club:** im gonna text her too she used to have a crush on me so we’re bffs now

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** 1st thats hilarious shuri 2nd fuck u all but also 3rd love you guys baiii :*

* * *

**_9:37 PM:_ ** **Shuri > Michelle Jones**

**Shuzzle:** so you hung out with white boy earlier

**Mizzle:** omg is he talking about it in his group chat 

**Shuzzle:** perhaps

**Mizzle:** WHAT DID HE SAY

**Shuzzle:** depends on what you said about it

**Mizzle:** i haven’t texted my gc yet. lemme add u to it and u can see?

**Shuzzle:** mj i love you

  


**_9:39 PM:_ ** **Michelle Jones added Shuri to** **Gossip Gorls**

**strawberrysexual:** hi this is shuri the princess of wakanda she’s the one i had a crush for like 3 days

**Shuri:** hello all im here to spill tea about the ever iconic white man child peter parker himself

**Mister papaya sir:** omg yay hi im abe but first: choose a fruit

**Shuri:** lmao ummmm… not 2 b basic but cherry?

**For Some Reason, Lime?:** im cindy and i have the perfect one

**_9:40 PM:_ ** **For Some Reason, Lime? changed Shuri’s name to ** **She’s My Cherry Pie**

**She’s My Cherry Pie:** i love you cindy

**mangolesbian:** Hi! I’m Sally!

**FLASHION FRUIT:** im flash

**She’s My Cherry Pie:** i cant believe mj added me to a groupchat with sally avril herself and also abe brown, cindy moon and eugene. badabababaa im loving this

**mangolesbian:** Aw OMG! You’re so sweet Shuri

**strawberrysexual:** i added shuri because. it’s time to talk about the Da(te/y) With Peter

**FLASHION FRUIT:** fucking finally. mj tell us everything

**strawberrysexual:** it was fun he got me coffee and sushi and took me to that new dog movie so it really felt like a date and he was wearing that send help shirt that makes me nut a little bit and his hair was Very Curly And Fluffy-Looking and he held doors open for me and paid for stuff and acted like a ‘gentleman’ but not in a weird gender roles way and just in a super kind way

 **strawberrysexual:** hey siri, how do u tell ur friend from school that you’d like to **** *** **** *** **** *** *** **** *** **** *** ***** * **** ***** ** ****** **** * **** *** *** **** ****

 **strawberrysexual:** and also date him

**Mister papaya sir:** MJ that was so fucking long i stg that better not be graphically detailed

**strawberrysexual:** you’ll never know

**mangolesbian:** You and Peter are so adorable MJ! Just date him!!!!

**For Some Reason, Lime?:** ask him out coward

**FLASHION FRUIT:** like yuck penis but also hes hot youre hot get it mj

**She’s My Cherry Pie:** mj and peter sitting in a tree……….

**For Some Reason, Lime?:** F U C K I N G

**She’s My Cherry Pie:** cindy you are my new favorite human

**mangolesbian:** She’s my Favorite Human but you’re valid Shuri

**She’s My Cherry Pie:** I love PeterMJ, Cindy, donuts. In that order.

  


**_9:52 PM:_ ** **Shuri > Michelle Jones**

**Shuzzle:** you should ask him on a date. that’s all i’ll say about what he said in the gc

**Mizzle:** i love u lol

* * *

**_9:38 PM:_ ** **Ned Leeds > Michelle Jones**

**neddypie:** TELL ME EVERYTHING

**chelleypoo:** jesus christ you and shuri are both harassing me rn

**neddypie:** just. Spill The Tea ma’am

**chelleypoo:** ugh. it was fun. peter is pretty when he’s drinking coffee and eating sushi and laughing at silly kids movies and crying about dogs in movies bc they’re too cute for him to emotionally process

 **chelleypoo:** i enjoyed myself and i hope peter like. also did

**neddypie:** why wouldn’t he have?

**chelleypoo:** noah fence but i’m not like. His Type

 **chelleypoo:** the last person he had a thing with was liz allen and she’s a fucking gorgeous model lady. i am ms michelle shaggy jones

 **chelleypoo:** even my neck is long like nick palatas’

  


**_9:47 PM:_ ** **Ned Leeds > Michelle Jones**

**neddypie:** I’m so sorry my mom made me do the dishes!!!

 **neddypie:** first that is such a specific comparison and you do not have a long neck like nick palatas but I'm obsessed with the fact that u casually knew the actor who played Norville “Shaggy” Rogers in Scooby Doo! The Mystery Begins

 **neddypie:** also. Peter really likes you. I can’t expose him bc that’s bad friending (and I won’t be exposing you to him either even though I fucking should), but I will just say: Peter really, really, r e a l l y likes u and I sure as hell would like one of you to do something about it before I rip my damn head off

**chelleypoo:** ur forgiven and also. um. lol. u sure?

**neddypie:** fucking YES

**chelleypoo:** i believe u then. thank u

**neddypie:** you’re welc and also I love u

**chelleypoo:** love u too edward

**neddypie:** call me edward and I’ll tell Peter ur middle name

 **neddypie:** Michelle GLADYS Jones

**chelleypie:** dont you fucking dare

**neddypie:** then ask him out! ma’am

* * *

  


**_9:55 PM:_ ** **Ned Leeds sent a message to Shuri and 2 others in** **PeterMJ Warriors!!!**

**our only brain cell:** ask her out @MJ’s Trophy Husband

**pres. of the hk fan club:** i agree

**All Hail The Watcher:** i didn’t text mj bc im not a creepy person but yeah i agree too

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** you guys promise me this is a good idea?

**our only brain cell:** swear on our handshake

**pres. of the hk fan club:** cross my heart hope 2 die

**All Hail The Watcher:** i would pinky promise but i’m in rose hill so. virtual pinky promise

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** lol ok then… wish me luck i guess

  


**_9:58 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Michelle Jones**

**the b stands for bitch:** hi mj!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to clarify: the texts btwn ned/mj and shuri/mj were happening at the same time! so when u see that black line that indicates its overlapping w/ another chat! also hope yall liked the incredibly chaotic starkrhodeshoganpottskeenerparker groupchat


	6. dmann,,,,,,,u r sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **the b stands for bitch:** i hate u a little bit right now
> 
> **the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** you shouldn’t bc im with all our friends rn and im not showing them any of these texts. i dont deserve to be hated i deserve to be LOVED
> 
> **the b stands for bitch:** ok u win thanks for not telling cindy that im a bottom
> 
> **the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** she’s literally trying so hard to read my texts its amazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW!!!! for underage alcohol/drug use (it's weed and they don't actually do drugs or drink, they just discuss and make plans to)  
> but still tw
> 
> also this is GARBAGE but perhaps yall will enjoy! this is the largest chapter by about 1000 words

**_9:58 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Michelle Jones**

**the b stands for bitch:** hey mj!

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** hey :)

**the b stands for bitch:** i had a really good time today

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** i did too

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** maybe we could do it again sometime?

**the b stands for bitch:** i was gonna say the same thing!

**the b stands for bitch:** but what if next time it’s not just a friends thing?

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** you mean like a date

**the b stands for bitch:** yeah

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** first prove your worth. milk first or cereal first

**the b stands for bitch:** cereal

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** are socks just mittens for feet defend your answer 

**the b stands for bitch:** my answer: yes. my defense: i’m right you’re wrong shut up

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** good ref to the try guys i’m proud. who’s the best try guy

**the b stands for bitch:** they’re all fucking hilarious but eugene coming out asserted how crazy attracted i am to him

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** lowkey me too. that music video? chefs kiss

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** are you a shaniac or a boogara

**the b stands for bitch:** are u asking if i believe in ghosts

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** yes

**the b stands for bitch:** i don’t wanna tell u because i know u disagree and i would rlly like to go on a date with u mj

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** tell me tell me tell me tell me

**the b stands for bitch:** skshdbks YES i do bc after uncle ben died a lot of weird shit happened and has continued to happen so. yeah i believe in ghosts

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** if it were any other person i probably would laugh in their face but that’s sweet and you’re kinda cute and i lw knew the answer already i just wanted to know if u would be honest with me

**the b stands for bitch:** so… i passed?

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** you passed

**the b stands for bitch:** (｡♥‿♥｡)

**the b stands for bitch:** when are you free?

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** dont tell anyone but i dont really want to wait a while before we go out bc i kinda miss u so. tuesday?

**the b stands for bitch:** im blushign very hard ma’am

**the b stands for bitch:** tuesday’s good :)

**the b stands for bitch:** do u wanna choose the activity

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** making out sounds fun but that seems more like a 2nd date/end of the first date activity… u choose

**the b stands for bitch:** ok but im gonna make my groupchat help me choose 

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** cute

  
  


**_10:17 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker sent a message to Harley Keener and 2 others in** **PeterMJ Warriors!!!**

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** SHE SAID YES AND ALSO CALLED ME CUTE AND WE’RE GOING ON A DATE ON TUESDAY BUT IDK WHAT TO DO

**our only brain cell:** Peter I have never dated anyone Idk what you should do

**All Hail The Watcher:** ive never dated anyone either

**pres. of the hk fan club:** what abt the guy u fw last month

**All Hail The Watcher:** it wasn’t like i bought him flowers and took him to dinner shuri i sucked his dick

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** shuri i know for a fucking fact you dated someone back when mj had a crush on u so tell me what to do

**pres. of the hk fan club:** idk its mj she’s a weirdo she doesn’t fit in and she doesn't want to fit in have you ever seen her without this stupid hat on? that’s weird

**our only brain cell:** are you and T’Challa binging riverdale again

**pres. of the hk fan club:** yes jughead is so funny

**pres. of the hk fan club:** lmao ok but fr peter just take her somewhere On Brand for her. what are her interests

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** i mean ur friends w her too but. books, art, bfu, bad movies, reality television so she can laugh at people being stupid, true crime, documentaries

**pres. of the hk fan club:** connect those to activities/places

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** umm. libraries, art gallery, ?, movie theater, people watching, ?, a documentary showing

**pres. of the hk fan club:** and now use google 2 find Stuff

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** there’s a showing of a documentary about the AIDS crisis every day next week at 5pm

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** the AIDS crisis is one of her favorite things to be angry about and after we could go to the thai place right next door

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** thank u shuri i wuv u

**our only brain cell:** I cant believe PeterMJ’s first date is watching a documentary about the AIDS crisis. except I can believe it and you guys are ridiculous/adorable

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** anyways i’m blocking ned he’s no longer my bm

**our only brain cell:** JAKE HOW COULD YOU

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** YOU HURT ME CHARLES

**All Hail The Watcher:** shui they’re doing their stupid b99 bit again

**pres. of the hk fan club:** peter ill tell mj what you said about her pegging you

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** do it i dare you

**MJ’s Trophy Husband:** IM JUST KIDDING DONT PLEASE DONT

**pres. of the hk fan club:** smirk emoji

  
  


**_10:38 AM:_ ** **Happy Hogan sent a message to May Parker and Peter Parker**

**Happy:** hello parker family. i’ll be around to pick you up at 11. don’t be late

**May:** thanks hon see you soon <3

**Peter:** ew but also thanks happy c u @ 11!

  
  


**_10:41 AM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Tony Stark**

**Peter:** i have tea for u when i come over wanna hang out in the lab

**Tony:** I was on the phone with you for literally 20 minutes last night. What did you not tell me?

**Peter:** more has happened sir is that a no or a yes

**Tony:** It’s a yes if you bring the good shit on your way over

**Peter:** sigh ok ill ask happy to pick up ur stupid kettle corn on the way over lmao

**Tony:** Favorite child award

**Peter:** damn im telling nebula

**Tony:** PETER PARKER STOP IT I WAS KIDDING YOU’RE BOTH MY FAVORITE CHILDREN

**Peter:** smirk emoji exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point

  
  


**_12:04 PM:_ ** **Cindy Moon sent a message to Abe Brown and 5 others in** **AquaDequa**

**Disaster Bisexual:** hi what are yalls alignments (besides… sally’s)

**Disaster Bisexual:** im a chaotic neutral

**penis parker:** i’m a chaotic good!

**Strongest Avenger:** jesus fuck of course you are

**penis parker:** KSSDNSKSH WOT

**Strongest Avenger:** ur just like… the most wholesome

**penis parker:** swoon

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** oh my God fuck off you two

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** anyways I’m a neutral good!

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** and Peter is my Bad Influence

**Daddy Issues:** i used to be a lawful evil lol but now i am a lawful good! particular shout out to penis for my character growth love u man

**penis parker:** flash being comfortable in his own skin/masculinity? wow i’m gay

**Daddy Issues:** LMAO

**penis parker:** also ilyt :)))

**Resident Heckler:** chaotic neutral n living my best life

**Chaotic Good:** I mean, you folks know mine! LOL. But I definitely lean towards neutral-good!

**Disaster Biseuxal:** what’s mj’s?

**Strongest Avenger:** guess

**Daddy Issues:** chaotic evil mj said fuck the police

**Resident Heckler:** flash ur so off that woman is a chaotic neutral i know one when i see one

**Disaster Bisexual:** i agree with abe!

**Chaotic Good:** IDK, maybe a true neutral?

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** how much u wanna bet we’re all off but Peter will guess it and be right

**penis parker:** she’s a chaotic good fucking try me

**Strongest Avenger:** god dammit peter

**penis parker:** FUCK YOU ALL

**Strongest Avenger:** im aware ive let u all believe i am not Good but. the alignment test has informed me i am a Chaotic Good, Leaning Chaotic Neutral

**penis parker:** HOGWARTS HOUSES GO! im a hufflepuff ned is a gryffindor mj is a ravenclaw

**Strongest Avenger:** how do you know if im a ravenclaw

**penis parker:** well i guessed the last one right im just hoping im right again

**Disaster Bisexual:** i am. SLYTHERPUFF mostly slyther

**Chaotic Good:** I’m a Hufflepuff too, Peter!

**penis parker:** fuck of course u are i adore u sally

**Strongest Avenger:** lol peter is right bUT i am a slytherclaw mostly claw

**Resident Heckler:** slytherin babey!

**Daddy Issues:** wait guess mine

**Daddy Issues:** i guarantee none of u will get it

**Chaotic Good:** OMG that’s so hard! Um… Ravenclaw?

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** GRYFFINDAWH

**Disaster Bisexual:** join the slytherpuffs eugene

**Strongest Avenger:** lmfao hufflepuff

**penis parker:** if flash is a hufflepuff i will cry happy fuckign tears

**Daddy Issues:** the hat sorted me into gryffinpuff

**penis parker:** u are fucking adorable flash thompson

**Daddy Issues:** tank u penis parker

**Daddy Issues:** omg penis can i rename u

**penis parker:** ……….yes but be nice to me im sensitive

**Daddy Issues:** bet

**_12:17 PM:_ ** **Daddy Issues** **changed** **penis parker’s** **name to** **wholesome man (ocean man)**

**wholesome man (ocean man):** i…,,,, FLASH

**Daddy Issues:** i kept singing it in my head every time u were Wholesome

**Strongest Avenger:** lmfao flash i love you thats so cute

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** that’s so accurate too!!!! Peter loves Spongebob!

**wholesome man (ocean man):** loveD spongebob sir

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** we watched it last weekend

**wholesome man (ocean man):** ned shut up

  
  


**_12:20 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Ned Leeds**

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** DONT EMBARASS ME MJ JUST SAID IM CUTE AND OTHER NICE THINGS

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** literally,, she likes you even and especially when I embarrass you dude

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** NED !!!!! don’t or ill tell betty u think she’s pretty

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** do it you won’t

  
  


**_12:23 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Betty Brant**

**Peter Parker:** hey betty! i’m just here to tell you ned thinks you’re really cute :)

**Betty Brant:** Oh! Did he ask you to send me this?

**Peter Parker:** honestly no he was harassing me in front of my crush and wouldn’t stop so it’s only fair to expose him

**Peter Parker:** we kinda tease him for it in the groupchat cuz hes the only straight person in our group and he has like. kind of a huge thing for you

**Betty Brant:** Wow! Um. Haha.. Thank you!

**Betty Brant:** Does he like.. like me or just like my face?

**Peter Parker:** omfg. do u like him

**Betty Brant:** If you tell anyone I will murder you in your sleep and no one will be able to find your body.

**Peter Parker:** damn betty i won’t spill JUST TELL ME

**Betty Brant:** I’ve had a crush on Ned since like… last year

**Peter Parker:** BITCH dm him dm him RIGHT NOW

**Betty Brant:** You sure?   
  


**Peter Parker:** i’mf uciking CUPID. yes im sure

**Betty Brant:** Omg hahaha okay!! I’ll text him tonight but I’m going to church right now

**Peter Parker:** of course you are youre perfect for each other omg have fun churching!!

**Betty Brant:** Lol okay! See you tomorrow! I’ll let you know how it goes :)))

  
  


**_12:34 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker sent a message to Michelle Jones and 5 others in** **AquaDequa**

**wholesome man (ocean man):** i am a match fucking MAKER ur welcome edward leeds

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** calling me Edward will get your dick cut off Peter

**wholesome man (ocean man):** can you imagine omfg the day i get a dick ned cuts it off while i sleep

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** LMAO CAN U IMAGINE,,, HAHAHAHAHA,,,,,,, TOTALLY NOT MY PLAN

**Strongest Avenger:** channel 13 news: this bitch really just cut off his besties dick!

**Disaster Bisexual:** she really just did that

**wholesome man (ocean man):** yes she did. Yes She Did.

**Daddy Issues:** how ominous

**Resident Heckler:** im bored whats everyone doing right now

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** leaving for church in a few service is at 1

**wholesome man (ocean man):** literally of course you are

**Strongest Avenger:** teaching my younger siblings how to use knives effectively

**Resident Heckler:** you’d get along really well with an assassin

**wholesome man (ocean man):** black widow would adopt mj so fast

**Daddy Issues:** omfg ur right

**Daddy Issues:** im not doing anything tbh

**Disaster Bisexual:** lol me neither i’m sad and bored

**Chaotic Good:** I have work at 2 so I’m very slowly getting dressed in my Coldstone uniform… :(

**wholesome man (ocean man):** i’m at mr stark’s house we’re Bonding

**wholesome man (ocean man):** he wants to give mj the shovel talk bc we had coffee yesterday

**Strongest Avenger:** i would take tony stark down so fucking fast jesus christ

**wholesome man (ocean man):** he approves

**Strongest Avenger:** if anyone wants to come over to my house my siblings want to show u guys their knife tricks

**Daddy Issues:** omfg YES PLEASE HAHA

**Disaster Bisexual:** i wish but i dont have a ride

**Daddy Issues:** i have a car ill pick you up!

**Disaster Bisexual:** wot about gas…

**Daddy Issues:** cindy im rich dont worry! @Chaotic Good @Resident Heckler what about you guys?

**Resident Heckler:** i have a ride! i got meself a car n a license

**Chaotic Good:** I have neither a car, nor a license, nor a ride to MJ’s, nor a ride to work

**Chaotic Good:** I walk to work from my house LOL

**Daddy Issues:** we can pick u up and take u to work if u can get us free ice cream

**Chaotic Good:** I absolutely can and WILL get you free ice cream!

**Strongest Avenger:** come over whenever u want @Peter’s #1 Fan if you wanna come over after church u r welcome

**Strongest Avenger:** peter ur probably busy all day huh?

**wholesome man (ocean man):** this is a great question. it depends on how long yall r hanging out bc i could come over at like… 3

**Strongest Avenger:** you guys could spend the night for all i care

**Resident Heckler:** nothing 2 do today and my parents are cool as long as im home before curfew (11)

**Chaotic Good:** I work 2-8 and after that I’m not doing anything

**Daddy Issues:** my dad’s home right now so i want nothing more than to be away from my house until he passes out on the couch at like 10:30

**Disaster Bisexual:** bLEASE let’s just hang out all night if mj is ok w that

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** guys look at us teenagering!! we’re not just acadeca nerds!

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** what will we do tonight

**Strongest Avenger:** i have all the episodes of jeopardy on my DVR and also a lot of board games

**Strongest Avenger:** and also alcohol lmfao

**Daddy Issues:** i could bring weed if everyones comfortable with that

**Chaotic Good:** I don’t/won’t drink (or smoke, probably) but I’m okay if you have that stuff!

**Disaster Bisexual:** i lov tha weed

**Resident Heckler:** cant drink but i absofuckinglutely will smoke som w u flash

**wholesome man (ocean man):** i stg none of you are allowed to do any stupid things until after sally gets off work so we can all be stupid together

**Chaotic Good:** If we go anywhere someone has to be the designated driver because I only have my permit

**Resident Heckler:** i won’t drink or smoke if we go anywhere dw

**Chaotic Good:** Okay good! Well I’m so down! MJ, you sure it’s okay?   
  


**Strongest Avenger:** get yalls damn asses over here asafuckingp!

**Daddy Issues:** omw now 2 pick up cindy first & then sally

**wholesome man (ocean man):** i’ll have happy bring me over when he takes me and may home! so 3 !

**Resident Heckler:** im omw now too! see u in like 15 mj :P

**Peter’s #1 Fan:** omg I’m excited for tonight! see you guys all soon! send videos of the knife skills please

  
  


**_2:47 PM:_ ** **Michelle Jones > Peter Parker**

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** i have a lot of questions

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** A. will this be the first time uve been to my house

**the b stands for bitch:** why yes it will be

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** why yes it will be

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** 2\. if we count this as a date do we get to make out on tuesday

**the b stands for bitch:** theoretically we could count yesterday as a date & make out tonight

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** we will be high and/or drunk

**the b stands for bitch:** well we could make out before and after the inhalation of Weed. and also that’s the fun part lmao

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** i mean ur not wrong it is a dream of mine to make out with u while a teeeensy bit fucked up

**the b stands for bitch:** …….me specifically or ????

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** ugh. ew. feelings um

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** yeah you specifically…

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** no laughing but i’ve had feelings for you since like. hoco 

**the b stands for bitch:** scsljdhjshe WOT

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** u liked liz though which. mood. i was j a lil creeper

**the b stands for bitch:** mj in january i began cataloguing my fav shirts of yours. im so creepy

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** i need to get my hands on that list and also IM creepier i guarantee. i used to go to detention to draw u in misery bc im an awful person

**the b stands for bitch:** thats not creepy u showed me the drawings

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** except i also drew u in acadeca and in chem when we had it together last year and in ap seminar this year

**the b stands for bitch:** that’s adorable but anyways my groupchat is called PeterMJ Warriors

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** cute. well you looked good in ur story yesterday so my groupchat started discussing it as i was walking into the fig yesterday it was… a Lot

**the b stands for bitch:** when brad davis had a crush on you i sent him a very passive aggressive anon that only ned knows about and now my name in his phone is ‘wanted for the murder of brad davis’

**the b stands for bitch:** and it wasn’t gross or possessive i promise i was very woke

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** slndjsdks my groupchat calls me petersexual. that is what they call me

**the b stands for bitch:** my groupchat talks about you pegging me i win

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** omfg peter i cannot believe you just admitted that

**the b stands for bitch:** literally i cannot either i hate myself a little bit right now

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** ok first thats hilarious & second,,, are……. Are You A Bottom

**the b stands for bitch:** I CANNOT BELIEVE-----

**the b stands for bitch:** yes

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** huh. good 2 kno

**the b stands for bitch:** i hate u a little bit right now

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** you shouldn’t bc im with all our friends rn and im not showing them any of these texts. i dont deserve to be hated i deserve to be LOVED

**the b stands for bitch:** ok u win thanks for not telling cindy that im a bottom

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** she’s literally trying so hard to read my texts its amazing

  
  


**_2:54 PM:_ ** **Cindy Moon > Ned Leeds**

**moonshine:** WHAT IS PETERMJ TALKING ABOUT RN I SAW MY NAME BUT IT WENT AWAY TOO FAST

**leed schmeed:** literally why would I know. let me find out 

  
  


**_2:55 PM:_ ** **Ned Leeds > Peter Parker**

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** Peter

**wanted for the murder of brad davis:** ned im not gonna tell you what mj and i are talking about

**Iron Man’s Sidekick’s Sidekick:** fair love u see u soon

  
  


**_2:55 PM:_ ** **Ned Leeds > Cindy Moon**

**leed schmeed:** I tried but he shut me down QUICK

**moonshine:** hack his phone

**leed schmeed:** omg no we’ll just get them drunk tonight Peter can’t lie for shit when he’s drunk or high

**moonshine:** youre a damn evil genius ned ily

  
  


**_2:55 PM:_ ** **Peter Parker > Michelle Jones**

**the b stands for bitch:** _ [photo: screenshot of Ned and Peter’s conversation] _

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** that was beautiful and hilarious u and ned are my brotp

**the b stands for bitch:** ykw. u and flash are my brotp

**the b stands for bitch:** ik he tried to credit me but u’ve done so much Good for him this year i love that for you

**the b stands for bitch:** thats how i knew you were a chaotic good. you’re the sweetest asshole i’ve ever met

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** fuck peter that was cute im gon kiss u when u get here bet

**the b stands for bitch:** please do but not in front of our friends or i will cut my head off 

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** um no way its my first kiss im going 2 embarrass myself and i’d rather let u be the only person who sees that

**the b stands for bitch:** to be fair its technically my first kiss too

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** i have a feeling i should not ask why it is only technically

**the b stands for bitch:** if you ask me while im drunk i will tell you, if you ask me while im sober its a 3rd or 4th date conversation

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** i won’t take advantage of you like that

**the b stands for bitch:** dmann,,,,,,,u r sweet

**the reincarnation of marsha p johnson:** ｡C‿C｡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lowkey i wanna write the next chapter like Fic Style again. just like how i wrote peter and mj but with the crew hanging out.,,,.... what do yall think??


	7. interlude; headcanons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! i am Mad Stuck on the current chapter so here is an interlude of fun and fresh headcanons about my babies, peter n mj!!! comment below some of ur own headcanons! :) enjoyyyy
> 
> EDIT!!!!! i added a sneak peek into chapter 8 to keep y’all interested

****Thank you to referenceforwriters.tumblr.com for this list :P

**MJ Headcanons!**

  1. _What does their bedroom look like?_
    1. she has like… a fancy pinterest board room that also somehow reeks chaos. like this girl is cute as fuck with her white walls and white comforter and some cute ass plants in her room, but at a second glance, you’ll notice she painted the walls herself when she was in middle school because it’s a kind of lame paint job, and the white comforter has chocolate stains from when she snuck in that hershey’s bar one year the night after halloween, and the plants are actually all growing out of old glass bottles with the wrappers still on them (it was supposed to be a cute DIY project, but no one’s really sure if it actually _is_ cute at all).
  2. _Do they have any daily rituals?_
    1. mj has anxiety and for this reason i grant thee: my own anxiety daily rituals! my baby mj does a mini check every morning once she rolls out of bed just in case; inhale 7 seconds, exhale 7 seconds, inhale exhale inhale exhale etc etc etc for like. 2 minutes. then she gets herself that brekkie babey
  3. _Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?_
    1. if she exercises, it’s cardio and about twice a month MAX. but she hates exercising because she doesn’t wanna get bulky nd she already has a really fast metabolism so there’s lowkey no point
  4. _What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?_
    1. first it’s important to note that she is the only person in her family who can cook BUT if this were to ever happen… she would probably just like. either force everyone to move so she could get that Food, or order from some cute hippie dippie take out place she likes
  5. _Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)_
    1. honestly she’s clean but she’s mad fucking lazy. like if she forgot to pick up her dirty clothes or if someone else fucked with her very neat stack of papers, she would just be like “literally fuck it” and never deal with it
  6. _Eating habits and sample daily menu_
    1. as mentioned in chapter 4 (i think), mj loves thai, sushi and ethiopian. however, what she actually eats on a daily basis is very different bc she usually cooks and is, again, Lazy As Hell. so for the most part she makes like… pasta with more ethiopian or thai themed flavors
  7. _Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time_
    1. secretly is the queen of procrastination but must make everyone believe she’s very productive. she usually avoids her responsibilities via a Good Read, buzzfeed unsolved, or pulling out her laptop and writing poetry but telling everyone who asks she’s doing homework/studying/etc
  8. _Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging_
    1. gay rom coms. this is very specific but a good gay rom com brings mj to her KNEES. she loved love simon and no one knows it but her little sister
  9. _Makeup?_
    1. intimidates her deeply. although she doesn’t wear it, she respects it and would be down to let people put shit on her face, she’s just personally very lazy
  10. _Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?_
    1. she has like.. actual diagnosed ‘general and social anxiety’ ;P but not many neuroses i don’t think
  11. _Intellectual pursuits?_
    1. true crime! buzzfeed unsolved got her hooked but she also loves my favorite murder and criminal minds bc she’s a little quirky idk
  12. _Favorite book genre?_
    1. she’s basic. iconic feminist literature (jane austen babey)
  13. _Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?_
    1. functional bisexual
  14. _Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)_
    1. she’s actually lactose intolerant lol and she’s one of the only ones who DOESN’T KEEP DRINKING MILK? she always gets almond milk :P
  15. _Biggest and smallest short term goal?_
    1. big - winning academic decathlon lol. small - semester 1 junior year grades. she’s in ap lit and it’s not that important but it’s also really terribly important
  16. _Biggest and smallest long term goal?_
    1. big - she wants to do something with politics in her future! she’s interested in law, maybe working for a company similar to the innocence project or being a public defender, etc etc. (peter thinks she should run for president)
  17. _Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress_
    1. she’s exactly the same in the film except i have a fun MJ’s Greatest Hits list of her ‘best and wokest shirts’ according to peter! i’ll post the list eventually
  18. _Favorite beverage?_
    1. iced caramel-themed almond milk lattes. also there’s this drink at the fig called “pretty in pink” and it’s like tea and coconut milk and it’s bright pink and… idk but it’s a real drink i like and it’s good
  19. _What do they think about before falling asleep at night?_
    1. deadass she used to have insomnia bc of her anxiety so she pops a melatonin so as to avoid thinking about the Everything she would think about otherwise. she probably would worry most about social interactions from earlier that day
  20. _Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?_
    1. every time she ever went to hard rock cafe she got food poisoning. no one else in her family would. just her and it happened every time she went
  21. _Turn-ons? Turn-offs?_
    1. jawlines, large hands, Respecting Women, stupid boys being stupid
  22. _Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?_
    1. she’s an artist y’all know this. if she was deadass hella bored she would probably draw peter lol he’s the first thing that would come to mind for her
  23. _How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?_
    1. literally she manages to be so organized and the least organized person ever. it’s mostly like she has a system and it works really well but other people just think she’s crazy
  24. _Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?_
    1. obviously she’s a nerd for everything and she does go to a STEM school but she actually does best in english, especially literature
  25. _How do they see themselves 5 years from today?_
    1. she’ll be in college, preferably harvard, with an internship at the best law firm in the history of law firms. she will have a cat and a nice apartment of her own and host painting nights for her friends and shit
  26. _Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?_
    1. so fucking many plans. she will attend an ivy league school or she will die
  27. _What is their biggest regret?_
    1. this is hot tea omfg… probably that she didn’t communicate very well with her mom when she was younger. she wishes she could go back in time and say i love you one last time
  28. _Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?_
    1. if you asked her a year ago, she would’ve said liz. junior year, probably flash honestly? but also peter and ned. worst enemy… def a tie between all sex traffickers, people who hate cats, flash’s dad, peter’s Bad Guys, and flash’s dad times two
  29. _Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)_
    1. she’s definitely a secret self sacrificial type. save family save family save family until she knows they’re safe
  30. _Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)_
    1. will pretend it doesn’t bother her until she crashes lmao
  31. _Most prized possession?_
    1. her sketchbook
  32. _Thoughts on material possessions in general?_
    1. she wishes she cared about them less
  33. _Concept of home and family?_
    1. grew up with a pretty good one and she likes it/the Family Life
  34. _Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)_
    1. reserved as FUCK
  35. _What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?_
    1. you know that weirdly satisfying feel u get when u have ur chillhop playlist blaring in ur ear and ur laying down on ur back on the hardwood floor in the living room and there are 4-7 assignments due in the next week that u haven’t started but ur just.. chilling. that’s mj
  36. _What makes them feel guilty?_
    1. when she bitches at someone like lashes out because of her anxiety :( bc she doesn’t mean it but sometimes it just. Comes Out
  37. _Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?_
    1. def more analytical
  38. _Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?_
    1. type A for suresies!
  39. _What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?_
    1. john mulaney specials
  40. _Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?_
    1. this is very hard idk,,,,,,,,...,.,. probably more superiority but neither tbh
  41. _How misanthropic are they?_
    1. secretly not at all but she lets everyone believe she hates The Whole World
  42. _Hobbies?_
    1. reading, she plays piano but Nobody Knows That, she has like. an unsolved mystery conspiracy board thing for local crimes just for fun but also to see if she can actually solve them
  43. _How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?_
    1. she is in jUnior year but! she’s pro free college because Secondary Education Is Important For Those Who Want It but fuck capitalism
  44. _Religion?_
    1. atheist honestly
  45. _Superstitions or views on the occult?_
    1. she’s down to get a little witchy but she herself is not superstitious or spiritual
  46. _Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?_
    1. THIS IS A GOOD ONE OMG. words for sure. she’s not Good at it but she’s a pretty honest person and will generally be straight up about her feelings
  47. _If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?_
    1. me: describes peter. LMAO. no but actually she really values independence so someone who isn’t afraid of her strength/ability, she wants to go far in life so someone who also has dreams/plans, etc. she’s the kind of girl who wants to be held but not to be tied down if that makes sense? also smart people
  48. _What is their love language?_
    1. her love language is probably words of affirmation or quality time
  49. _If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?_
    1. she definitely got like ‘formal training’ and was taught self defense so she’s a baddie idk what else to say about that chief
  50. _Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?_
    1. literally she is absolutely terrified of dying young she has a lot of goals and she’s worried that if she doesn’t achieve them she’ll mean… Nothing



**Peter Headcanons!**

  1. _What does their bedroom look like?_
    1. the most messy room you could possibly fucking imagine he is so chaotic but also a huge nerd so imagine chaos + star wars
  2. _Do they have any daily rituals?_
    1. idk spider-man?
  3. _Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?_
    1. he works out (downtrodden looking down emoji) he’s actually really into it bc post spider-man peter has a lot more stamina so he likes weightlifting he gets a liiiittle cocky LMFAO he’s a fuckboy lowkey with the mirror selfies n stuff skshdkhsd
  4. _What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?_
    1. peter actually is a good cook because … y’all know may’s cooking abilities lmfao. so he would idk Make Due? but he’s def too lazy to order take out if he was like already super tired so he’d grab like a bowl of cereal probably
  5. _Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)_
    1. again. so fucking messy. this boy is the most messy ass motherfucker in america i swear to the lord. he has no concept of like? cleanliness? he also has adhd so he’s VERY forgetful (me too peter) and super hyperactive like he goes from task to task really quickly so if you leave him to his own devices when you come back 20 minutes later he’ll look like that conspiracy board meme
  6. _Eating habits and sample daily menu_
    1. good cook but again.. so chaotic. he also doesn’t have a lot of time because spider-man, acadeca, junior year, etc and may and him are actually kinda poor so they can’t afford Great food but basically. if he’s at his apartment he eats a lot of protein snacks throughout the day and if he’s at the tower/compound/cabin/wherever the fuck tony lives, he’ll eat a full breakfast lunch and dinner that actually somehow leaves him Full??
  7. _Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time_
    1. peter loves tumblr and loves procrastinating and almost always regrets it but will often be heard saying “was it worth it? no. would i do it again? fuck yeah!”
  8. _Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging_
    1. what in the fuck does this mean
  9. _Makeup?_
    1. peter wears make up to pride but it makes him dysphoric tbh
  10. _Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?_
    1. he lowkey thinks he’s cursed bc his parents and ben and also his goldfish so he has like a very irrational but manageable fear of alleys and planes and guns and just death in general
  11. _Intellectual pursuits?_
    1. he’s such a geek he loooves science y’all know this but he also really specifically enjoys chemistry more than anything, especially organic chemistry, and he unironically jams to the periodic table song
  12. _Favorite book genre?_
    1. none he hates reading but he’s down for some YA novels if they’re gay and/or science fiction
  13. _Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?_
    1. Disaster Bisexual Y’all
  14. _Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)_
    1. he has a lot of scars but that’s the extent of it. he used to have asthma and need glasses but spider bite got rid of that! however fun fact he is still allergic to nuts (peanuts and cashews mostly) and he knows this because when he figured out the asthma went away… he gave cashews a shot… it was bad and hilarious
  15. _Biggest and smallest short term goal?_
    1. big - mj mj mj mj mj lol. small - currently he’s tryna learn how to do a good quality british accent so he can fuck with the masses
  16. _Biggest and smallest long term goal?_
    1. big - attend MIT and work at SI (it’s one goal because he knows he’ll probably work at SI but if he goes to MIT first then he can believe he deserves it and it’s not just tony’s influence). small - he wants to one day be fluent in as many languages as tony (tony’s at 5 right now, peter’s shooting for 6) so he can just.. win ? idk he’s very competitive
  17. _Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress_
    1. when he tries? he’s an e-boy. when he’s even just a little bit lazy? literal rat
  18. _Favorite beverage?_
    1. he can usually be found with an iced coffee but he also rlly rlly rlly likes sweet tea and every fruit flavored/infused soda bc he’s disgusting
  19. _What do they think about before falling asleep at night?_
    1. death, mj, or his family. bc he’s emo but also Full Of Love
  20. _Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?_
    1. peter was a little scrawny and sickly as a kid (not Steve Rogers level, but like he was a frail babey idk) so he def had the flu a million times. no iconic stories but he did get mono one time because his babysitter had mono and he drank from her water cup
  21. _Turn-ons? Turn-offs?_
    1. mj being smart and scary and also “bitches who can step me” (a quote from my friend describing peter’s taste). Woke Hoes. chef’s kiss
  22. _Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?_
    1. he’s not a good artist but he’d doodle LMFAO probably fun spider-man logos
  23. _How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?_
    1. HE IS SO MESSY I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH i’ll link some adhd memes so you understand the Mess that he is
  24. _Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?_
    1. all science and math stuff. he’s actually just really smart and does well at english and history too but he fucking does NOT like them
  25. _How do they see themselves 5 years from today?_
    1. ‘hopefully alive’, he says, and tony smacks him across the face. but also; at MIT, maybe dating mj who knows, ned is his roommate they have a lil apartment together, maybe a real internship at SI also :P
  26. _Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?_
    1. peter is going to MIT if it’s the last goddamn thing he do
  27. _What is their biggest regret?_
    1. he and ben fought the night ben died. that. 
  28. _Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?_
    1. bff is ned obviously! current Worst Enemy is probably thanos bc he’s grumpy and personally offended by thanos’ failed attempt at murdering 50% of the universe and also being awful to nebula, but of all time is the vulture
  29. _Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)_
    1. panic “call the avengers” “peter you are the avengers” but then he fixes it
  30. _Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)_
    1. grief will Drown him. he locks himself in his room and ignores everyone Forever
  31. _Most prized possession?_
    1. it’s a tie between the iron spider suit (which he uses the most) and his og suit (which he hates and loves all at once. ptsd babey)
  32. _Thoughts on material possessions in general?_
    1. lowkey he’s materialistic in the sense that he grew up without a lot of stuff and is all of a sudden being spoiled so he loves it but it stresses him out? if that makes sense idk
  33. _Concept of home and family?_
    1. very very very very important to him!!!! the people who raised him were/are amazing so he would like 2 pay it forward and also be Amazing at raising children
  34. _Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)_
    1. literally overshares like it’s his job
  35. _What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?_
    1. secretly. on a bad day. spider-man. bc sometimes it’s hard to deal with the fact that he can’t save everyone
  36. _What makes them feel guilty?_
    1. lol everything he really thinks he has to save the world idk m8. but also when tony and/or may worry about him, he takes it really hard
  37. _Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?_
    1. emotional af but he’s also really logical so he can like… Shut That Down
  38. _Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?_
    1. type b for SURE hahaha
  39. _What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?_
    1. FOOD he likes to eat for entertainment purposes. and also old sci fi movies
  40. _Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?_
    1. loooowkeeyyyyy inferiority but really not much
  41. _How misanthropic are they?_
    1. not at all and he doesn’t even pretend to be
  42. _Hobbies?_
    1. LEGO lmfao. also he’s really into the sims it brings him… so much comfort
  43. _How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?_
    1. junior in hs! loves formal education bc he’s not very independent but also fuck the public school system
  44. _Religion?_
    1. lowkey raised jewish but he’s not really Sure if he’s religious at all
  45. _Superstitions or views on the occult?_
    1. GHOSTS ARE REAL but he’s not superstitious. Only a little stitious 
  46. _Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?_
    1. deeds all day babey!! he’s one of those people that like,,, will get u that One Thing you mentioned offhandedly 2 years ago and wrap it in a paper with ur favorite animal. what a man
  47. _If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?_
    1. in simple terms: scary, intelligent women and raging dumbass men
  48. _What is their love language?_
    1. his love language is largely acts of service but he’s also very Physical Touch. that man is clingy af!!!
  49. _If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?_
    1. i mean… he’s spider-man. but he actually never was Taught any fighting Stuff so he kinda just. swings. he’s just hella strong so it works
  50. _Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?_
    1. Why Yes The Fuck He Is! and that, good sir, is a long ass story



SNEAK PEEK INTO CHAPTER EIGHT

For a second, they were silent again, but then a new song played, so Peter spoke once more. “This is  _ Teenage Evolution _ by _ Love In October _ . I really like this one, it’s the most upbeat song on my playlist, I think.” Subconsciously, he began thumping his heel into the cabinets he sat on top of, and bopping his head just a little bit to the beat. He didn’t look away from MJ, though, and then, she looked at him too.

_ Come on, come on, come a little closer _

_ Let’s go darling, love’s a rollercoaster _

Peter watched as MJ swallowed. He could actually hear it, too, due to the weird heightened senses this. Distantly, Peter could also hear hushed voices in the living room, the  _ Sims 4 _ music coming from Maddie’s room, and dogs barking outside, and cars passing by, and a family watching a football game loudly next door, and a million other things - heartbeats pounding, birds chirping, basketballs bouncing - but he really only  _ listened _ to MJ, the sound of her breathing, swallowing, heart beating,  _ living _ . Sometimes all the sounds were overwhelming for Peter, but sometimes, they reminded him just how  _ real _ everything was and how lucky he was for it.

She stepped closer. Peter was hyper aware of the distance between them. It was as if he could feel her breath on him, even though she was still a foot or more away.

_ Hey, I've been waiting around _

_ You want me near when I'm gone _

_ Love, love will tear us apart _

_ Hey, I've been waiting around _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more headcanons that went unmentioned:  
> \- MJ can sing! She’s actually very good  
> \- Plot twist Peter ALSO SINGS?! Imagine with me… a PeterMJ… duet… thanks for coming to my TED Talk  
> \- MJ is an angry crier. When she’s pissed she pretty much just immediately starts sobbing and she has no idea why
> 
> again comment ur headcanons! and hey! happy friday! how was ur week :) talk to me :)))


	8. shenans w/ the squad; p1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We’re not like, some fanfiction for you read, Abe,” Peter laughed. “And we haven’t even talked about what we _are_ yet. We-”
> 
> “Are you telling everyone all of my secrets, Parker?” MJ’s voice interrupted from the far side of the room.
> 
> “Um,” Peter responded dumbly, his tongue weighing heavy in his mouth. “No?” he answered, although it was more of a question than a statement. His hesitation brought all of his friends to laugh so hard they were left in tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART ONE!!!!!! i think it’ll be 2 parts but.. idk. it was gonna be 1 but this is like....9k words so i had to post it LMFAO. idk if this is.. good tho? its a lot of words and it’s like a 3-4 hour experience. but pls enjoy! :D ps sorry for the wait!!!!!

“Hey, Mr. Stark?”

Mr. Stark spun around in his chair, giving Peter his full attention. He smiled lightly at the teen, prompting Peter’s shoulders to relax ever so slightly. “What’s up, kid?”

Peter cleared his throat nervously, shuffling his feet as he did his best to avoid eye contact. “Well, MJ is having the Decathlon team over today and, well, I asked May and she said yes, but, well, I wanted to know-”

“I will not be offended if you go hang out with your little nerd friends, Pete,” Mr. Stark replied coolly, his grin gentle and bright. Peter smiled back at him and took a seat at the table beside him. Before Peter could reply, Mr. Stark’s loving smile faded into a mischievous smirk. “So, MJ’s house?”

Peter blushed a deep red. “Y-yeah. We’ll all be there.”

“Uh huh,” Mr. Stark said, nodding slowly. “Use protection.” Before Peter could process it, Mr. Stark had already spun back around to look at his lab table once more.

“Um,” Peter replied dumbly. “We’re not - I’m not - we don’t - we haven’t even gone on like a first date. Or kissed.”

Mr. Stark laughed a little, turning to face Peter again and moving to perch himself on the desk Peter was sat in front of. “You gonna kiss her tonight then?” Mr. Stark asked, face soft like he was _genuinely_ interested, like he actually wanted to know. (He did.) Peter shrugged.

“I mean,” Peter started, “I guess I’d _like_ to. But I don’t even know, like, _how_ or - or anything.” Peter chewed on his lower lip, fumbling with his fingers. Sympathetically, Mr. Stark ran a hand through Peter’s semi-unruly hair. “What if I mess everything up?” Peter continued. “What if I suck, and MJ hates me and then it’s super awkward?”

Mr. Stark scoffed, though more flabbergasted than dismissive. “That won’t happen, kid. She’s one of your best friends. Why would you hate you just because you’re a bad kisser? I guarantee you she’s probably a bad kisser too.”

“What if this isn’t even her first kiss? Like, she’s really pretty and - what if I’m not as good as her other kissers?”

Now, Mr. Stark full out snorted. Peter blushed a little, but joined in on his laughter. “Buddy,” Mr. Stark replied, voice laced tightly with sympathy. “It will be fine. This is probably her first kiss too, and even if it isn’t, she doesn’t like you because you’re a good kisser. She likes you because you’re you. All the weird things you do that make you a huge geek? That’s her shit. Just be yourself, Pete. You’re awesome. Not…what’s-his-face.”

“Brad Davis,” Peter supplied helpfully.

Mr. Stark snapped his fingers. “That’s it. You’re not Brad Davis, and you know what? She’s going on a date with you, not Brad - isn’t that right?”

Peter grinned bashfully and bounced his head. “Yeah,” he agreed, voice a little distant, like he was mid-dream. “Tuesday.”

“MJ likes you, dude. Roll with it. If you don’t know why, who gives a shit? I don’t know why Pepper keeps me around but look at me, keeping around.” Mr. Stark ruffled his hand through Peter’s hair again, and this time, pulled lightly at Peter’s earlobe. Peter took a minute to look at Mr. Stark, watching him intently, studying him. In his light brown eyes were a shitton of insistence, genuinity, warmth, and perhaps even love.

Since Mr. Stark had taken in Nebula, he’d gotten much better at saying what he really meant. Nebula wasn’t very good with subtle social cues, but she was very good at listening; when Mr. Stark told her once that space very much frightened him, she declined an invitation from the Guardians to return to space. Instead, she chose to stay with Mr. Stark. She brushed it off like she was taking care of him, said something about giving him a heart attack if she went into space, but Peter knew the truth - Nebula _cared_.

If Mr. Stark hadn’t told her that, she’d be off, millions of lightyears away, so really, there wasn’t much Peter was more grateful for than Mr. Stark learning how to use his words.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark,” Peter said, some fierce rush of love clouding his tone of voice. “I - thank you.” Mr. Stark smiled and Peter could practically see the fondness pouring out of his eyes in waves.

“You’re welcome, Pete. Hey, what time are you leaving?” Mr. Stark changed the tone of the room pretty much as soon as he could, but Peter didn’t mind. He flicked his eyes down to his watch and laughed.

“Um, like, now,” he admitted. “Will you walk down with me? May and Happy are probably making out in the car and I don’t really want to be alone seeing that.”

“Ew,” Mr. Stark answered quickly, as if by instinct, but stood and flailed his hands in a gesture to get Peter to walk. “Okay, kid, let’s get a move on. Don’t want you to be late for your cute little friends thing.”

Peter grinned and followed behind Mr. Stark, a noticeable bounce in his step as he swiped his backpack off the lab table and made his way down to the first floor entrance. Stepping outside, Peter saw immediately Happy and May with their arms wrapped around each other and their faces-

_NO!_ Peter screamed in his head, thankfully not out loud, and squeezed his eyes shut. Just before the world went dark, he could see Mr. Stark turning around with a huge teasing smile on his face, so Peter reached his arms out for the man. Mr. Stark pulled him into a hug and put his hand on the back of Peter’s head to guide Peter’s face into his chest, hiding him from the Happy Hogan/May Parker moment that Peter was not interested in witnessing.

“They’re done now,” Mr. Stark whispered after a moment.

“Peter, come on, we’re done,” Happy called too.

Peter, eyes still shut, could hear May giggling before saying, “You big baby.” Immediately, he gasped and pulled away from Mr. Stark’s hold.

“How could you?” he asked May, voice laced with both genuine despair and pure amusement. “You’re the one who’s making out in front of your child. What does that say about you as a parent, May?”

May laughed and blew a kiss. “Get in the car, Peter,” Happy said, rolling his eyes fondly.

Peter smiled, and looked up at Mr. Stark, who was already smiling down at him. “Have a good time, bud,” Mr. Stark said. “But not too good. No pregnancies or STD’s, please. And if you get really high and/or wasted, absolutely under no circumstances may you operate the suit _or_ any vehicle. I will kill you if I come to find out that you got a DUI.”

Peter blinked up at him for a moment. The smile on his face grew exponentially, doubling in size within only a second. “I love you too, Mr. Stark,” he replied, and hugged the man once more. “See you next weekend?” he asked, face still buried in Mr. Stark’s lab coat.

“Sounds good, Underoos,” Mr. Stark said, and his voice was soft and far away like he still couldn’t believe what was happening. “Okay. Go. Bye. Love you.” He pushed Peter off of him, and for a second, Peter thought about sticking to him just for shits and giggles, but instead he let himself be tousled off.

“Bye!” Peter chirped, bouncing into the backseat of Happy’s car. May waved at Mr. Stark, who blew her a kiss, which she then caught, winking. Peter flicked Happy’s shoulder and jokingly demanded, “Onward, good sir!” Happy huffed and glared at Peter through the rearview mirror, but Peter took no offense. He just beamed at the driver instead.

  


╲ (｡♥‿♥｡) ╱

  


“MJ,” Ned said, voice a sharp hush. “If they get me, tell Peter I-”

“Found you, asshole!” Michelle’s younger sister, Madeleine, cheered.

Michelle narrowed her eyes and stood, although she hadn’t been found. She crossed her arms over her chest and watched in awe as Madeleine seemed to stumble back while Michelle leaned forward. “Maddie, who let you think _asshole_ was a word you could use?”

“Um,” Madeleine responded dumbly, and Ned giggled quietly. Michelle gave him a cold glare, though there was no real anger behind her eyes, and Ned bit his bottom lip to silence himself. (He still had this sweet, goofy smile on his lips, because Ned was always _insanely_ bad at his poker face.)

“No swearing,” Michelle stated finally, putting Madeleine out of her misery. “Or I will delete your _Sims 4_ game off my laptop.”

“No, Chelle, I won’t swear, I promise,” Madeleine begged, wrapping her arms around Michelle’s waist. Michelle rolled her eyes, but there was something soft about the look on her face. For only half of a second, Michelle let her hand brush gently through Madeleine’s hair. Before she pulled her hand away, she was interrupted by someone coming around the corner and into the laundry room.

“MJ? Being something other than absolutely terrifying? I never thought I’d see the day,” Peter’s voice echoed through the room.

Michelle glared at him, but Peter’s shiteating smile only grew. “We were playing Hide ‘n’ Seek,” she explained, like that helped anything. “Maddie found Ned ‘cause he sucks at this game.”

“You were found too,” Ned whined. “You were standing next to me!”

Michelle shrugged and didn’t bother even looking at him. “Whatever. You still suck.”

Peter giggled, which almost _stunned_ Michelle; not because she hadn’t heard him giggle before (that’s kind of the only way he ever laughed, and it was somehow both infuriating and adorable) but because that was the first time she heard him giggle and she was allowed to think it was cute. She was allowed to think to herself, _Wow, that was cute._ No longer did she have to scold herself for being stupid for some guy; she got to just _be stupid._ It was surprisingly liberating.

“Hi,” Peter said, turning to Madeleine, and a rush of _something_ hit Michelle in the belly like a freight train. “I’m Peter. You’re Maddie, huh?”

Madeleine nodded. “I know you! Well, I know of you, and there’s a picture of you and Ned and Chelle on her desk. You’re _Cute Nerd Peter_!”

Michelle flicked Madeleine behind the ear, but Madeleine didn’t seem intimidated by it or Michelle. “Thanks for that, dummy.”

“You’re welcome,” Madeleine responded, all smug and impish. “Hey, Peter, come meet Matt and Mabel!” She wrapped her little middle schooler fingers around Peter’s wrist and pulled him away from the laundry room and presumably to the living room, where all the ‘found’ players resided. Michelle couldn’t help but swoon a little at the happy look on Peter’s face, which was wonderfully honest; his eyebrows were lifted, eyes wide and round, and lips upturned in a relaxed sort of grin. Distantly, she could hear Peter ask Madeleine stuff - _Have you found anyone else? You must be pretty good at Hide ‘n’ Seek, huh? What other games do you like?_ \- and it only made that stupid something in Michelle’s belly tighten in the worst (and best) way.

Behind Michelle, Ned snorted, and she spun around to look at him. “What?” she snapped, maybe just a _little_ bit overdramatic, and narrowed her eyes.

“That was cute,” he teased, “but I’m pretty sure I could hear your lady boner from here.”

“Edward Leeds, I swear to God,” Michelle said, stepping forward and watching in pure fucking joy as Ned took a frightened step back. “I will literally eat you alive, Ned. I don’t think you _want_ to know what I could do to you in 5 seconds flat. Watch it, Leeds.”

For a second, Michelle was sure she won, but then, Ned blinked. Slowly, his lips creeped up into a smile and _Jesus Christ,_ Michelle thought, _I cannot believe I’m friends with these assholes._ “Oh, MJ,” he said, mocking pity. “Your thing for Peter is _genuinely_ so cute.”

She could only reach out and push at his shoulders. After all, he was right.

* * *

Hide ‘n’ Seek ended pretty soon once Peter arrived. Only Mabel, Abe, Ned, and Michelle had actually been _found;_ Flash, Cindy, and Matt all collectively took first place for being gracious enough to forfeit after Mabel put on her puppy dog eyes. Something prompted the whole group to sit in the living room for a Mario Kart tournament of ages.

It started with Michelle, Flash, Cindy, and Matt on Mario Kart Stadium. Michelle, of course, kicked ass and came first, with Cindy in second, Matt in third, and Flash - by a landslide - in fourth. Before the first race, though, Michelle had to very sternly explain that they were _big kids_ , so they could use _big kid words_ , but Madeleine, Matt, and Mabel weren’t allowed to. (Matt pouted, Madeleine argued, and before Mabel could even open her mouth to respond, Michelle shut them all down. Her dad would have been proud.)

After that group of four, Ned, Madeleine, Mabel, Peter, and Abe raced. Mabel and Madeleine worked as one sort of unit, because Mabel was a little bit too young to be any good and Madeleine was one of those big sisters who actually _liked_ their younger siblings. (Michelle was kind of the same way.)

Michelle was genuinely impressed when Peter was far, far ahead of everyone else in the first place. He was blue-shelled, like, four times, but still managed to keep a hold on first the entire time they went around Shy Guy Falls. Ned was second, Abe third, and the Madeleine-Mabel team placed fourth, but it was almost a close call.

Now, it was Ned and Michelle’s time to play. The entire time she zoomed around the Twisted Mansion track, she could feel Peter’s eyes on the back of her neck. Comparatively speaking, the Ned-MJ race wasn’t all that exciting, but in the third lap, Michelle was _almost_ worried she’d lose, so that was not _nothing_.

Then, Cindy and Peter raced in a very dramatic game of Bowser’s Castle. The entire time was pretty much _full_ of under-the-breath, poorly concealed swearing (mostly on Peter’s part). (Michelle thought it was kind of cute, but - don’t say it out loud.)

“Fu-fudge,” Peter hissed. Michelle rolled her eyes. _Nice try,_ she thought sarcastically.

Cindy stomped her feet in a bout of passion. “God - ugh - agh!” she screeched. Peter snickered, but appeared to immediately regret it when he tumbled head first into one of the fire bouncy ball things.

“Shit! I mean - oh - shit! Sorry, I’m so sorry, little ears,” Peter cried, obviously full of despair.

Michelle didn’t feel that bad for him, but she wasn’t really mad at him either. It was kind of hard to be, because his ears were turning red near the tips and in this lighting, she could see all the freckles on his temple and all the scars - mostly just little nicks that looked like tally marks scattered around his face, but also this one long-ish one from the bridge of his nose to the arch of his eyebrow - and it was all starting to drive Michelle insane.

“Peter Peter Peter Peter Peter Peter Peter,” Cindy chanted, all in one breath. “Peter. If you win - I’m gonna be so mad! Oh! Crap!” And then Cindy fell off the track.

Peter giggled, but his mouth dropped into an O shape and he started to lean exponentially forward, practically squatting with almost none of his weight on the couch. “Oh, my God. I’m gonna win! I’m gonna - I’m - I won!” Peter threw his Wii remote onto the carpeted floor, which caused Flash to scold him.

“Breaking your girlfriend’s stuff, I see?” Flash teased. Michelle knew full well he was aware that Peter and Michelle were _not_ boyfriend and girlfriend, because he was very much present for the car ride to Sally’s work, when Cindy harassed the shit out of Michelle until Sally said Cindy wouldn’t get free ice cream if she kept pestering.

Still. Flash made the joke and it left Michelle a little dumbfounded. Peter blinked, cleared his throat, and said, “Um, she’s not my - my girlfriend.” _Like Flash doesn’t fucking know,_ Michelle thought bitterly. “But I’ll break whatever stuff I wanna break,” Peter added.

Flash laughed and rolled his eyes. “Great comeback, Wreck It Ralph.”

Peter scoffed, but there was a huge grin on his face and he settled back down on the couch. “Didn’t know you were a Disney fan, Flash. Who knew Eugene Thompson could watch and enjoy things that weren’t horror stories and movies with sad endings?”

“Sometimes, a good cartoon cleanses the soul,” Flash explained seriously. Michelle actually didn’t disagree, and Wreck It Ralph was kind of the cartoon to end all cartoons. The only _real_ competition it had was Zootopia and Winnie the Pooh, which were, you know - amazing.

Cindy held out her remote to Michelle. “MJ, it’s your turn.”

“I can’t believe PeterMJ is about to fight to the death for Best Mario Kart Racer,” Ned cheered.

“To the death?” Peter asked, whirling around in his spot to look at Ned. “I don’t wanna die!”

Michelle snorted. “Well, then don’t lose,” she said, taking a seat next to him. He blinked up at her, eyes scanning over her entire face in a thoughtful, caring way that almost had Michelle dizzying. Slowly, his lips twisted into a bright smile.

“Oh,” Peter responded. “I won’t.”

And his voice was strong like a promise, so Michelle was almost inclined to believe him.

* * *

  


“Peter,” Michelle hissed. “Shit. Fuck. Oh - oh - oh, my God.”

“Em, if I lose, I’m gonna be so mad,” Peter said breathlessly. “I want to win so bad. _So_ fucking bad.”

“Tough,” Michelle replied, but it actually wasn’t tough because Peter was kind of amazing at Mario Kart and also horrifyingly close to beating her at her favorite race of all time, Rainbow Road.

In her peripheral vision, Michelle could see Peter grinning as he flicked back and forth between watching her and the screen. She was sure that’d mean she’d win; how could Peter win if he couldn’t even choose what to focus on? Except him being distracted was making her distracted, and then Peter looked really - well, the best word Michelle could think of was _pretty_ , because he had this black t shirt rolled up so high it was like Danny Zuko’s outfit in Grease and dark plaid pants that hugged his thighs but fell loose over his ankles, and his hair was a curly, wispy mop on top of his head and-

He looked good, is what Michelle meant, which was extremely distracting.

“Ah!” Peter screeched at some point during the third lap, when he fell off and Michelle passed him up.

She smirked at him, a close mouthed smile that still managed to be as bright as hellfire. “Sucker,” she said, right before a blue shell hit her on a speed ramp, causing her to spin off the track entirely. “God dammit,” she huffed.

And then, Peter passed her. And then, she was pretty sure she knew _exactly_ what would happen.

So she accepted her fate and allowed herself to look over at Peter as he crossed the finish line, tossed the Wii remote in the air and jumped inches off the ground. All their other friends were jumping and cheering too, Ned and Flash in particular pushing and throwing Peter around just a little violently.

Michelle, in any other race, probably would’ve been _pissed_ about losing. She wasn’t exactly a gracious loser and she was fully aware of that. But here? Now? Peter looked so damn earnest and it made her heart swell about four times the size and she couldn’t help but just smile. He spun around to look at her with this enormous grin on his face, and that stupid, goofy smile on hers only grew more bright and more blinding.

“I guess you don’t suck, or whatever,” she said in a poor attempt to save what she could of both her ego and reputation.

“You too, Em,” he responded with a pink blush spreading across his cheeks. Maybe it was the adrenaline or maybe it was the fact that what Ned said to her earlier - _Your thing for Peter is **genuinely** so cute _\- was cycling through her head at the speed of light, over and over and over, or maybe it was just that Michelle has always been a dumbass who didn’t think before she did anything, but Michelle stood. Stood, and walked towards Peter. Stood, and walked towards Peter, and leaned in close to plant a kiss on his cheek that was so light she wondered if he could even feel it.

He could feel it. When she pulled away, the pink blush on the apples of his cheeks had mangled itself into a deep fuschia across his entire face. Michelle used to think blushing was weird and kind of ugly, but of course, Peter’s the exception; he’s always the exception.

Thankfully, no one said anything about the cheek kiss. (Michelle probably would’ve pulled a knife on Flash or Madeleine if they made a joke concerning her and Peter.) The only thing close to a comment Michelle got about it was Ned winking at her with a huge shiteating grin on his face.

_Whatever,_ she thought. _Peter’s cheek is soft. Does he exfoliate? And why is that so… **nice** to me?_

  


╲ (｡♥‿♥｡) ╱

  


After Mario Kart, MJ started to make dinner for Mabel, Maddie and Matt. The older group was planning to go out for some shitty fast food, but MJ was very adamant that the kids would eat something healthy. (The entire situation both managed to horrify Peter and completely entrance him, which pretty much summed up all of Michelle Jones, actually.)

The teenagers were all sat together on MJ’s couch for a minute after she stood and announced to the group her plan. MJ’s siblings had all run to their rooms for some pre-Sunday dinner routine of throwing on footie pyjamas and washing their hands thoroughly. As soon as they all left the living room, Flash, Abe, Cindy, Ned, and Peter pulled out their phones, Peter in particular throwing in one of his headphones and pulling up an episode of Buzzfeed: Unsolved. After less than 30 seconds, Ned started kicking Peter’s shin gently.

“Hey,” he hissed. “Peter.”

Peter shot his head up to look at Ned with his eyebrows quirked in suspicion. “What?” he asked, drawing the word out slowly.

“Go help MJ in the kitchen,” he instructed. Peter blinked at him.

“Oh, yes!” Flash joined in, voice quiet like Ned and Peter’s. “That’d be cute. She would definitely fuck with that.”

Peter scoffed, but before he could say anything, Abe spoke too. “Oh, my God, Peter, go,” he demanded. “This is your chance to kiss MJ.”

Peter blinked. Again. How many times could his friends catch him off guard in one night? “Um,” he said dumbly. “Are - are you sure?”

Every single one of the sighed exasperatedly. “Yes,” they all said, Cindy and Abe the loudest of the four. Peter snorted and grinned at them.

“Okay,” he agreed, although mostly reluctant. “I’ll just-” Peter stuffed his phone in his pocket and stood, using his feet to bounce off the couch and land (somehow both gracefully _and_ gracelessly; Mr. Stark probably would’ve called it charmingly catastrophic) a few feet from his seat. His friends cheered a little dramatically, but Peter thought it was kind of sweet.

He stumbled a bit as he walked, halfway tumbling into the kitchen where he could see MJ standing at the stove, watching something in a saucepan. “Hey,” he said, hesitantly. She startled, snapping her neck to look up at him immediately, but her entire body seemed to relax when they made eye contact, and then she _smiled_ at him. It was so little, so soft, so hidden, that Peter was almost worried he wasn’t supposed to have seen it. He wondered how many other people got to see that kind of smile from her.

“I was just wondering if you wanted any help,” he finally blurted out, once the silence of the room (save for the sound of water boiling on the stove) grew to be too heavy and suffocating and all-consuming. “Not because you can’t do it yourself, because you obviously can, you’re _you_ \- I mean - not that you’re a girl, or anything, that’s super sexist and not what I meant, I just meant-”

“Peter,” she said, cutting him off. “It’s okay. Thank you.”

In an instant, he relaxed. His entire body seemed to unstretch itself, his shoulders drooping and lungs huffing out a heavy breath. “Oh,” he answered and nodded. His brain had apparently shut down too. “Do - do you need any help?”

“No,” MJ responded and grinned. “But I could use some company.”

Peter smiled too. “Yeah!” he exclaimed, and cleared his throat nervously. “I mean, uh,” he continued, trying to dial down his own excitement. “Sure.” Peter planted his hands on the marble countertop and pulled himself up, sitting close enough to the stove where he could see what MJ was making, but not too close that anything would hit him or burn him. (Not that it would have been a bad injury anyway, after all, he was Spider-Man, but better safe than sorry.)

MJ cleared her throat and looked back down at the stove. She blinked, very, very slowly, and grabbed sea salt for the water. Peter watched, genuinely mesmerized by her movements. After a beat, she said, ever so quietly, “You could play some music. If you want.”

“Sure,” Peter answered, and pulled out his phone. She slid him over a mug that had written across in bright pink letters **_100% WHITE BOY TEARS_** , and Peter stuffed his phone inside after clicking shuffle play on his favorite playlist (and after grinning at the mug, because of course this was one MJ owned).

“Tell me about your playlist,” MJ said in a tone that made it sound both like a question and an instruction. “Or just, like, your music in general.”

Peter shrugged, even though MJ still wasn’t looking at him. She turned around for a large bowl of uncooked pasta and poured it in the water. “This one’s all, like, acoustic stuff. That’s kind of what I’ve been listening to a lot recently. It’s called _Soft Days_. This song is, um, _Ophelia_ by _The Lumineers_.”

“I like it,” MJ told him. Peter smiled.

“Me too,” he replied softly. “Um, what about you? Your music?”

She shrugged. “I don’t listen to a lot of stuff with words,” she admitted. “I like chillhop a lot. _Ratatat, potsu, chief, cute girls doing cute things._ I think I have considerably obscure taste.”

Peter scoffed. “Not really,” he told her. “I like potsu. What about _In Love With A Ghost_ or _quickly, quickly_?”

“Yeah,” MJ responded, surprise a little evident on her face. “I didn’t know you’d be into that kind of stuff.”

Peter nodded slowly, inhaling briefly through his mouth. “Well,” he started, tilting his head and awkwardly shrugging. “I like the chillhop compilation things. It’s my focus music, ‘cause I have ADHD, so the sounds - um - help.”

“I get that,” MJ said. “ _Sleeping At Last_ has some really nice lyrical and instrumental stuff.” Then she added, “If you don’t already listen to them.”

Peter grinned. He actually liked _Sleeping At Last_ , but he didn’t really want MJ to feel weird that he knew all her music recommendations. “I don’t listen to them that much,” he lied, “but I like their space themed album. _Saturn_ is one of my favorite songs.”

“Me too!” MJ said, clearly very excited. “Um,” she tacked on, like she was trying to correct herself, “they’re - uh - really good.”

For a second, they were silent again, but then a new song played, so Peter spoke once more. “This is _Teenage Evolution_ by _Love In October._ I really like this one, it’s the most upbeat song on my playlist, I think.” Subconsciously, he began thumping his heel into the cabinets he sat on top of, and bopping his head just a little bit to the beat. He didn’t look away from MJ, though, and then, she looked at him too.

_Come on, come on, come a little closer_

_Let’s go darling, love’s a rollercoaster_

Peter watched as MJ swallowed. He could actually hear it, too, due to the weird heightened senses this. Distantly, Peter could also hear hushed voices in the living room, the _Sims 4_ music coming from Maddie’s room, and dogs barking outside, and cars passing by, and a family watching a football game loudly next door, and a million other things - heartbeats pounding, birds chirping, basketballs bouncing - but he really only _listened_ to MJ, the sound of her breathing, swallowing, heart beating, _living_. Sometimes all the sounds were overwhelming for Peter, but sometimes, they reminded him just how real everything was and how lucky he was for it.

She stepped closer. Peter was hyper aware of the distance between them. It was as if he could feel her breath on him, even though she was still a foot or more away.

_Hey, I've been waiting around_

_You want me near when I'm gone_

_Love, love will tear us apart_

_Hey, I've been waiting around_

“It’s cool,” MJ whispered. Peter leaned forward. No longer could he hear MJ; now, all he could hear was the sound of his own heart thumping upwards into his throat, and his stomach creeping along. His guts twisted and danced inside of his body with nerves, and it was beautiful and terrible all at once.

“Yeah,” Peter agreed, and blinked languidly, like he was about to fall asleep. His mouth dropped open just a little bit and when he opened his eyes, MJ was focusing on his lips. He blinked again.

_Maybe I should-_ he thought, but before he could finish, MJ was an inch away from his face and her eyes flicked up to his (like she was asking for consent, and fuck, that’s amazing, she’s amazing) and he nodded and leaned in just a little bit and closed his eyes and MJ leaned in too and all of a sudden MJ’s lips were pressed against his and - wow.

_Holy shit,_ he screamed internally. _Holy shit. MJ and I are kissing right now? I, Peter Parker, have the privilege of saying I swapped spit/smacked lips/sucked face/whatever stupid euphemism you like with Michelle Jones, a literal goddess amongst mere mortals? Holy shit?_

MJ pulled away and blinked at Peter. He copied the movement, scanning his eyes over her face for any indication of hesitance or discomfort or angst or - or anything _less than amazing,_ really. He couldn’t find any. Actually, there was a pinkish glow to her cheeks and he could see a little bit of a dimple near her chin and _holy shit, she’s beautiful,_ Peter couldn’t help but think.

She stepped forward again so that her stomach was pressed up against the outside of Peter’s right thigh. His body was contorted a little bit to kiss her - he was hunched over and to the side - but he didn’t mind for a second. This time, when she kissed him, his hands went to grab at her neck and reach around, holding on tight as if he were to let go, she’d then quickly realize just how stupid he was. MJ put one of her hands on his shoulder and squeezed, and the other on his thigh, just above his knee (which was, by the way, another thing that was beautiful and terrible all at once; on one hand, _HOLY SHIT!!!_ , but on the other hand, he was a stupid hormonal teenager and her hands were really nice and warm and he really wanted to just - well, he shouldn’t say that, shouldn’t say what he wanted, but to be clear, it wasn’t exactly a family friendly thing, _that’s_ for sure).

Something inside of Peter forced some illusion of confidence to course through his veins, and all of a sudden, he was moving his lips against hers, pulling her closer, sliding his thigh to the other side of her waist so she stood between his legs, and there weren’t any fireworks but there was the sound of a bass line thumping and reverberating around the room (coming from Peter’s phone in MJ’s mug), their lips smacking together (gross, but also kind of hot, maybe), their breaths intertwined and overlapping and maybe a little too dependent on each other, and again, Peter could hear MJ’s heartbeat, loud and clear, and he was pretty sure she could hear his, and it was _perfect_.

(It wasn’t, like, _actually_ perfect. MJ’s teeth clacked against his more than once, and Peter was pretty much halfway focused on his own possible bad breath the entire time, but also, the entire world faded away when MJ was around him, and the backgrounds would all blur so he could only see her and then everything felt okay.)

MJ’s hand on his thigh suddenly pushed down, and then, she was jumping away from him. “Shit,” she yelped, and Peter was _sure_ he fucked up, he always fucked these things up, but then she explained: “The - the pasta.”

Peter laughed breathlessly. “The pasta,” he repeated, mouth tingly and numb from MJ’s lips. She nodded, her mouth not yet closed. She didn’t move again at first, just stood there, staring, but after she blinked, she jumped back into action. Although MJ looked away to lift the pasta, dumping out the water, Peter’s focus never budged. He watched as she meticulously added cubes of butter to the saucepan, along with some other powder-y spice shit he didn’t know the name of.

“You are beautiful,” he said out loud, like he was out of breath just by her standing there, so he suddenly forgot any and all social norms on how one should talk to girls. But MJ didn’t seem bothered by it - actually, she seemed kind of happy about it, if her lax face and drooping shoulders were anything to go by. There was something gentle about the way she stilled and lifted her head to narrow her eyes at Peter, and it made Peter’s heart grow probably four sizes.

“And therefore I have value?” she responded, teasingly. Peter huffed out something that was a strange combination of an exhale and a laugh, and nodded, looking down at his hands.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Peter scolded. MJ only shrugged, smiling down at her hands once more and stirring the pot of butter and pasta and all the other stuff she added.

“I know,” she said quietly. “Um, thank you.”

Peter thought about what Mr. Stark told him earlier. How their first kiss was kind of guaranteed to suck, how MJ liked Peter and Peter liked MJ and that was all that mattered; he couldn’t help but think Mr. Stark was right. Peter made a little mental note to thank Mr. Stark later.

All of a sudden, MJ’s siblings came tumbling around the corner. Peter’s spider-sense ensured that he didn’t actually jump when they _did_ come running, but he also wasn’t actually expecting it either, and because he was still a little bit caught off guard, he very nervously pulled his knees up to his chest and tried to shy away from MJ, like her elementary-aged siblings would know what was happening if he was looking at her too directly.

Maddie probably knew, honestly. She was 12, and just seemed like one of those wise-for-her-age, intuitive types to Peter, so he was about 99.9% sure that if he made eye contact, she’d read his mind loud enough for the entire cul-de-sac to hear. Still, that 0.01% was enough to convince him to look up at the younger kids as they walked into the kitchen, and smile at them. (All of them smiled back, even Maddie, which brought Peter great comfort. He was maybe a little _too_ nervous.)

“Pasta’s almost ready,” MJ said, voice plain and controlled.

Mabel climbed up into a chair that she had claimed her own, evident by the small pink booster seat in the center. Matt moved behind MJ to grab two plastic cups and one glass, and Maddie grabbed two plastic bowls and one glass. The two of them, and even MJ, moved in tandem, perfect harmony, like it was something they always did and grew to know like the backs of their hands. Peter was almost a little envious, being that he’d never had siblings, never had a little sister to take care of or an older brother to study with or really anyone besides Ben and May. Not that Ben and May weren’t enough for him, but Peter always wondered, _what if?_

“Peter,” Matt called. Peter popped his head up from the floor to look at Matt’s face. “Can you hand me two forks? And the little green one for Mabel? They’re in the drawer below you.”

“Sure,” Peter said, already swinging his feet to the side to tug the drawer open. He buried his hands in the silverware, pulling out what Matt asked for, and held them out for Matt to grab. Matt beamed at him like Peter had just done him the biggest favor of his life.

“Thank you!” he said, voice all genuine and sweet and full of emotion. (Peter knew MJ felt things, obviously, but since seeing her family, he wondered, how could she be so reserved every day and so monotonous, when these are the people she’s related to? Not that he minded it, honestly. He liked MJ, and all the things that made her MJ, including being scary and quiet and chronically disinterested. He just wondered, is all.)

Then MJ grinned at Peter too, and he wasn’t thinking about anything other than how her lips stretched over her teeth and how her skin crinkled a little near the temple and how her chin had this little dimple, the one he noticed earlier, and how she was beautiful, absolutely beautiful, and how Peter couldn’t imagine meeting anyone like her ever again.

* * *

Later, after Mabel, Matt, and Maddie finished their pasta, and MJ finished cleaning the kitchen (with the help of Peter, and without the presence of any further kissing, much to his dismay), MJ told her siblings that she’d be going out for a while. She sat them down in one of their rooms (Peter assumed it was Mabel and Maddie’s, because he remembered hearing that they shared a room) and made them each write down her phone number on their arms.

“That way, if anything goes wrong, someone can call me,” MJ said.

“Nothing will go wrong,” Maddie insisted, a little annoyed, but also a little worried. Like she was pissed off MJ assumed something would go wrong, but she herself assumed the same thing.

Peter didn’t mean to listen in. He hated that his stupid powers (stupid is a strong word. They’re not _stupid_ , really, but they’re inconvienent in situations like these) enabled him to eavesdrop, but it wasn’t like he could turn them off. Regardless, the next thing he heard made him feel even guiltier.

“Take care of each other, okay?” MJ told them, her voice a little wet. “Promise me.”

The three of them all responded, “We promise,” at the same time. Then, Matt asked, “Will you and Peter take care of each other?”

“Sure,” MJ answered, and that guilt was really starting to explode in Peter’s gut now. “I mean, I’ll be doing most of the work, but yeah. I’ll let Peter take care of me too.”

Peter was sitting in the kitchen, and it sucked that he could hear them from the other side of the house, but he was also (guiltily) pleased with the fact that not only did MJ’s family ask if Peter and her would be _taking care of each other,_ but MJ told her family that Peter was actually important enough to her to do so.

So he was guilty, sure. But he was also pretty hyped to kiss MJ again A.S.A.P., which - _cool_.

Peter walked back into the living room, fully aware that it’d be a very long time since Flash, Ned, Cindy, and Abe convinced him to leave them. Immediately, they all looked up at him, and cooed. Peter rolled his eyes, blushing and biting the inside of his cheek.

“Fuck off,” he deadpanned and stuck his middle finger up, which really only made it worse.

Flash reached up and pinched both of Peter’s cheeks. “You’re so cute and pink, Penis,” he said, laughing all the while.

“Did you kiss her?” Abe asked, but it sounded more like a demand. “How’d it go? What happened? Tell us _everything_.”

Peter scoffed and flopped down on the couch next to Ned, who threw an arm out to pat his knee comfortingly. “I’m not telling you anything,” Peter hissed. “Ask MJ.”

“You’re so whipped,” Cindy teased. “You’re just like, giving MJ all the control. That’s hilarious.”

Peter shrugged. “It’s what she deserves.”

The group laughed, Ned moving his hand up from a loving pat on the knee to a playful shove at Peter’s shoulders, which caught Peter off guard just enough for his body to move an inch or so from the push. He quickly retaliated though, and flicked at the back of Ned’s knee with an idle grin. “Really, though,” Ned whispered, though their friends could all hear and were very unsubtly listening. “Did you kiss her?”

Peter was never a good liar. In all his life, he never lied well enough to get him out of any trouble, and often, it only got him into more. (He could remember taking Girl Scouts cookies from the cookie jar and telling May and Ben it was the cat.) In this moment, Peter knew he had two decisions, and neither were particularly good. On one hand, he could lie, be caught by his four friends, and be totally roasted as MJ listened from the other room; on the other, he could tell the truth and be completely torn apart by MJ as his friends cackled and jeered and cheered her on.

“Yeah,” he admitted finally, after a very long pause, because as scary as MJ was, he had a feeling that she would only rip him a new one for show. “I did. Kind of. She deserves more of the credit, really.”

“Was it good?” Cindy asked, eyes blown wide. “Like - what’s it like?”

Flash laughed and crossed his legs, sitting his weight on the balls of his ankles. “Cindy, have you never kissed anyone?”

“Well, only boys,” she admitted, and the group laughed. “But I - I like this girl-”

“It’s Sally,” Ned and Abe said, cutting her off.

She blinked at them in surprise, and while everyone else began slowly giggling, she remained frozen. “How did you know?” she whispered, a blush spreading over her cheeks.

“You’re as obvious as Peter,” Ned explained. “You’re both disaster bisexuals. And you talk about Sally in the same stupid voice Peter talks about MJ.”

Peter’s brows pinched in embarrassment. “Hey,” he whined. “Don’t bring me into this!”

Abe scoffed. “Peter,” he said in a condescending tone that had Peter huffing in response. “You’re MJ’s biggest fan. You follow her around like a lost puppy. There’s a compilation that Flash is working on of you just - looking at her. And Cindy does the _exact_ same thing. As Cindy’s best friend besides the one she’s in love with, I’m telling you - you two are horrible carbon copies of each other when it comes to love.”

Although Peter remained a little offended, Cindy beamed at him in a way that had his shoulders loosening and drooping. “I guess so,” he admitted with a laugh, and paused for a moment to think. “No, yeah - I see it. Cindy and Sally. _Aw_.”

Cindy groaned, but didn’t seem to want to put up a fight any longer. She shrugged, and softly responded, “Well, I - yeah. Sally. She’s - Sally.”

Peter looked at Cindy fondly, fully understanding that quiet desperation Cindy was feeling. That indescribable feeling of weightlessness. If only she would look back at you for a little while longer. He understood, so he said, “It was good.” Cindy grinned at him, while the others cheered teasingly. He barreled through, though, and explained, “It - it was really good. She was good. But it was both of our first kisses, so maybe I’m biased, I don’t know.”

When Cindy squealed like tires skidding on black top, Peter was met with the realization that MJ could have been very well listening the _entire_ time, even (and especially) when Ned said Peter uses a _stupid voice_ to talk about MJ, or worse, when Abe said that Peter follows MJ around like a _lost puppy_. It was embarrassing - oh, my God, so embarrassing - and the deep seated fear that MJ heard _any_ of it prompted Peter to squirm under the scrutiny and squeak, “Should - should I be telling you guys this? Isn’t that, like, breaking the - the code? Don’t kiss and tell, and all that?”

Flash shrugged, a smirk dancing across his lips. “She would be telling our group chat all this anyway, and you’d be telling yours. Might as well skip all that and just tell everyone right here and now.”

Ned nodded with wide eyes, blown out with fascination. “Tell us more,” he insisted. “Tell us everything. Only Cindy and Flash and now _you_ have kissed anyone, and Flash’s barely counts, and Cindy only kissed boys which isn’t helpful to me at _all_ , so - so tell us.”

Peter scoffed, but complied. “I don’t know what else to say,” he whined. “It was really good. Her lips were warm, but it wasn’t like - gross? I mean, it was kind of gross, but kissing is kind of _objectively_ gross, so it wasn’t actually gross, it was mostly just - just good. Her hands were - moving and - ugh.” He buried his face in his hands, cheeks burning red with shame and fluster, all while his friends only laughed and prodded him to continue on. “It was just really good? I’m gonna pop a mint first next time-”

“Next time!” Abe roared in amusement. “Oh, my God, this is the best day of my life. I can’t believe PeterMJ is finally canon.”

“We’re not like, some fanfiction for you read, Abe,” Peter laughed. “And we haven’t even talked about what we _are_ yet. We-”

“Are you telling everyone all of my secrets, Parker?” MJ’s voice interrupted from the far side of the room.

“Um,” Peter responded dumbly, his tongue weighing heavy in his mouth. “No?” he answered, although it was more of a question than a statement. His hesitation brought all of his friends to laugh so hard they were left in tears.

Instead of MJ being upset - which would have been completely valid, in Peter’s opinion - she uncrossed her arms and stalked over to him. Bracing herself with her two hands on Peter’s knees, she leaned down, and slowly, her eyes fluttered shut. Peter could only comply, the tongue that was once just heavy now a couple hundred pounds too much for him to say anything. He closed his eyes too, leaning his head up and out towards MJ’s face, which was unhurriedly closing the distance between them. In an instant, she pressed her lips against his, and he pushed in further, less of a fight for dominance and more of an act of submission, as if he was saying, _MJ, you can have me, you can have all of me, you’ve got me._ She smiled against his kiss, and yeah - that made Peter feel like the king of the world, or something.

When she pulled away, Peter’s eyes wrenched themselves open, despite how badly he wished to stay in that perfect little post-kiss bubble. He was looking at her before she opened her eyes, and Peter quickly realized just how much of a mask she wore when everyone else was looking. In that moment, where they were only inches apart and everyone else was cracking up too much to focus on the softness of MJ’s face, she looked more beautiful than ever. _That’s what she really looks like,_ Peter realized, _when her guard is down._

And in that moment, Peter supposed that he wouldn’t mind trying for the rest of his life to see her guard down again.

╲ (｡♥‿♥｡) ╱

  


Michelle wasn’t embarrassed about kissing Peter in front of all their friends. In fact, that was a move Flash deemed to have _big dick energy_ , and Michelle was almost a little bit proud to have pulled it off. She liked kissing Peter; _gross_ , but true. She liked his lips against hers and the little hesitation in his hands when he put them on her and how his nose fit so snugly against her cheek - she liked it all.

She liked it so much that she, a very hormonal teenage girl, wanted very desperately to kiss him again. And again. And again and again and _again_. And she wanted it so very desperately that minutes after their third kiss ( _Wow,_ she thought to herself, _I actually kissed Peter Parker three times_ ), when Flash offered to drive everyone to dinner and to visit Sally at work, Michelle devised a plan.

Flash was driving. Cindy and Abe sat up front, sharing the passenger seat. Ned was squished into the backseat with Peter and Michelle, whose hands were pressed up against each other because as much as Michelle wanted to hold his hand, she had literally no idea how to approach the situation. Was she supposed to ask? Or to nudge her fingers against his until he got the idea? Or, because she initiated their kiss (three times over), was she just supposed to hope he would make the first move?

It was all stupid, and it made her feel stupid, and _that_ is where the plan comes in.

Peter was a horny teenager, right? So really, all Michelle had to do was fuck with him until he couldn’t handle it and kissed her again. How could she fuck with him, you ask? Well, she pretty much just did everything she knew that would drive any horny teenager crazy; instead of putting her hand against his, she placed her hand on his thigh and spread her legs so that their legs were pressed against each other. She maneuvered her body just slightly so that her torso was tucked a little bit in between his arm and chest. Michelle even tilted her head so that it was turned towards him, fluttered her lashes at him when he spoke, let her eyes linger on his lips a little bit longer than necessary when he laughed.

She pulled all the stops. If Peter didn’t have those big ass hands wrapped around her thighs, face, or neck by the end of the night, she was going to be very, _very_ upset.

Except he wasn’t reacting. Michelle was almost 100% sure it was less about him being into her and more about him _respecting_ her, which - okay. That was actually really sweet, to the point where she fell a little bit more in love with him the second she came to that realization.

_In love with him?_ Was Michelle _in love_ with him? No. No, she couldn’t be, they’d been on like, 73% of a date and she’d been silently fawning over him for more than a year and Peter was this perfect combination of gentle and passionate for everything he put effort into: in debating conspiracy theories, in playing video games with Ned, in Academic Decathlon, in discussing the homoerotic subtext of Poe and Finn from _Star Wars_ (and Danny/Steve from _Hawaii Five-0_ , Remus/Sirius from _Harry Potter_ , Emma/Regina from _Once Upon A Time_ , Spock/Kirk from _Star Trek_ (especially in the JJ Adams reboot, which Peter was devastatingly invested in), Richie and Eddie from _IT_ , and, of course, real life superheroes Captain America and the Winter Soldier), in kissing, in - well - everything. Peter didn’t half ass anything.

Maybe Michelle was a little bit in love with him. But she hated herself a little bit more for it, so she bit her tongue hard enough to bleed and squished herself into the car door, away from Peter, tucking the hand that once rested on Peter’s leg underneath her own.

She could feel his eyes on her immediately. He noticed everything, all the time. (Another thing Michelle loved - ugh, she meant _enjoyed_ \- about Peter was his attention to detail. Nothing ever got by him and Michelle almost never wanted anything to. In this moment, however, she absolutely wished it would.)

She shied away from the attention, squirming to pull her phone out of her back pocket. As she scrolled through the onslaught of messages from social media, Michelle knew Peter was watching her. He was probably reading them all too, but Michelle couldn’t bring herself to mind. (Peter was just so damn easy to forgive.) She opened up Tumblr and clicked on the notifications bar, refreshing so that she could shuffle through them.

“You’re popular,” whispered Peter, his voice mostly drowned out by Flash’s music and Ned and Abe rambling aggressively at each other. Michelle shrugged.

“Yeah,” she agreed hesitantly. “I guess.”

He nudged his right knee into her left, startling her - but only slightly. “What’s your blog for?”

Michelle blinked. She could lie, say it was for something cool and kind of edgy, like one of those vaguely sexual movie gif accounts, or shitposting stuff along the lines of that _shower thoughts_ blog, or that it was a true crime/serial killer type blog. She could lie, she could have, and she was going to, but she opened up her mouth to tell Peter a falsehood and saw the reflection of his earnestness and the crinkles around his eyes in her phone screen, and all that came out was, “I - I draw.”

Peter knew that she drew. He’d seen some of the doodles she made of him, back in sophomore year, when he had that weird, two-week-long rebellious phase. But he didn’t actually know she was really, truly _passionate_ about it. Michelle wasn’t sure he knew if she was passionate about anything. A lot of people believed her coldness was proof of her disinterest, but it was really quite the opposite. And honestly, Michelle hadn’t shown very many people her art, let alone her art blog - which was doing fantastic for the lack of clout she gave it - so she hadn’t actually felt _inclined_ to tell anybody at all. Including Peter. Except, when he looked at her like that? Well…

“Well, I mean, yeah. I know you draw. What do you post? Sketches, paintings, digital?” Peter looked at her in that stupid, beautiful, wonderful way, leaving her heart thumping heavy in her chest and her stomach twisting into knots and before she could respond, his hand was on her thigh and she would’ve been feeling a lot more victorious if she wasn’t so damn _flustered_ from it all.

She won. Sure. But the little smirk on Peter’s face as he spread his fingers out to wrap around the entirety of her left thigh told Michelle that really, it was _Peter_ who had won this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE U ENJOYED !!!!!!! comment ur fav parts?? and also what you’d like to see more of? (ps before anyone says this is Unrealistic i want to say.. i’ve never been in any Healthy relationship so u rite this might be real fucked up but idgaf it’s a fanfiction sorry ig LMFAO)
> 
> love you all tank u for reading!!!!! stay tuned for chp 9 (9? 10? idfk) wherein SPOILER betty will text ned!!!!! gasp.

**Author's Note:**

> \- my tumblr is shazameroos.tumblr.com  
> \- my instagram is @elizabeth.kathleen
> 
> my ao3 bookmark rec tags:  
>  **#fanfics like the stars** \- best of the best. usually involves fluff, angst, humor, AND happy tears!  
>  **#add it to my top 10 inspo list** \- stuff that made me feel like writing  
>  **#happy endings / taste of the moon** \- angst with a happy ending that deserved an award honestly  
>  **#oh she's EMO emo** \- not so happy tears. generally a happy ending though  
>  **#silly and golden for it** \- fluff/humor. the best of the best  
>  **#fics inspired by** \- stuff that not only made me feel like writing, but also gave me an idea for a good fic!  
>  **#fics for happy tears** \- the more extreme category of 'happy endings'. basically fics that got me bawlin'


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